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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
I keep going from one critical, abusive,
jealous man with addictions to another. I don’t see the good men. Am I
co-dependent? Can I change?
Yes, you appear to be co-dependent and YES, YOU CAN CHANGE co-dependent
patterns. Co-dependency is a “painful mental program” that runs in our mind
of limiting beliefs, self-sabotage and compulsive (unwanted) behaviors. It
usually begins in a child under five years old. Imagine how mature you were
at five: emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. Our society is
filled with people living with beliefs and relationship patterns created in
childhood. These resourceful children created these “mental patterns” to
handle problems (real or perceived) such as feeling hurt, neglected, bad,
confused, criticized, loss or trauma. These patterns led to “unhealthy
beliefs and behaviors” as an adult such as: low self-confidence, anxiety,
depression, criticism, anger, abuse, soft/hard addictions, obsessions, poor
relationships and boundaries. As adults they have given up the right to be
themselves, to make their own choices, to live with joy and passion. And
they allow others to criticize and abuse them because they think they
deserve it.
Co-dependency is a learned pattern, and it can be unlearned. You can
un-learn unwanted behaviors and relationship patterns by changing your
thoughts, limiting beliefs and unwanted behaviors. As you clear up old
issues and develop your confidence, you will: (a) develop greater awareness
about yourself, other people and relationships; (b) make positive changes in
current relationships; (c) let go of “past relationship issues”; (d) change
your relationship expectations and redefine what attracts you; and (e)
improve confidence and communications skills.
As you clear up negative issues and limiting beliefs about loving and being
loved, you will see the positive qualities that you bring to relationships
and integrate new qualities and tools that to develop healthy relationships.
To change, first do your personal “healing” such as: (a) building healthy
boundaries; (b) change “core negative beliefs” about yourself residing in
your deep “unconscious mind”; (c) improve your confidence; (d) develop
healthy “coping tools”; and (e) heal negative relationship patterns. Watch
other couples and notice the positive personality traits and qualities that
you would enjoy in a partner. Be clear on what you truly want.
And finally, love, accept and forgive yourself. Accept you personal process
of being the best “you”, that you can be!
Jan Mitchell, owner of Expanding Minds is a Master NLP Counselor
dedicated to helping you “take back your life!” Call 403.225.2973 or visit
www.expanding-minds.com to learn more about her counseling
services. |
