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OUR EXPERTS... My 13 year old son hangs out with a new friend I don’t like. What should I do? By Sam Rafoss of Cherub Communications & Consulting However tempting, do not forbid your son from hanging out with his new friend. Teens have reached the age where they think they know everything so even if you do forbid it, he’ll find a way to hang out with this friend anyway. Focus on developing a good relationship with your son. Talk with him openly and honestly with a non-judgmental attitude. Sharing information and being able to hear each other’s side is more effective than expecting your son to obey your orders because you are the parent. Let your son know his friends are welcome in your home as long as they abide by the house rules. Make your expectations clear and be a good role-model and trusting parent. Your values will rub off on him even if it does not appear to right now. Have him invite his new friend over and spend some time around them. Try to overlook your negative feelings and find out what your son likes about his new friend. When you show respect for your son and his friends, they are more likely to do the same in return. If you have a specific concern, talk to your son about it in private. For example, “It concerns me that Jason smokes and I don’t want you to smoke.” Discuss it openly and honestly with your son and state your ground rule such as, “Jason is welcome to hang out here, but he is not allowed to smoke here.” Teens are not children anymore, but they are not adults yet either. You have to let him make some choices, realizing that he will make mistakes along the way. Resist the urge to lecture on “good” vs. “bad” friends. You can state what qualities you think make for good friends, but listen to your son’s opinions. You may or may not agree, but this is his friend, not yours. Overall, realize that friendships come and go. Jason may or may not be a long time friend. No matter what amount of time he spends around your son, rather than worrying what a bad influence he may be, think about what a good influence your son may be on him. For more parenting advice, contact Sam Rafoss, RSW of Cherub Communications & Consulting at 403.988.7507 or email sam@cherubcom.com www.cherubcom.com |