|
 The
Community Within
By Jo-Ann Svensson of the ARC Institute
My relationship with who I am is as dynamic and challenging as my
relationship with friends and lovers, perhaps more so. I say this because
within me lies a community of parts - different aspects of who I am - all
with different needs, perspectives and truths. Single parts may overwhelm me
and, at other times, compete with one another to be heard, but collectively
they make up who I am with Self - my internal witness, in leadership.
These parts express themselves in a myriad of ways. For example, parts
reflect emotions. Think of all the parts that come into play when your
teenage daughter comes home late one night. Among them may be a furious part
that grounds her for two weeks but also a joyous part that is relieved that
she is safe and sound. Parts reflect different maturity levels. We all know
the part of us that wants to play hooky from work on a sunny day before the
responsible part kicks in and reminds us of the bills to be paid. Parts also
reflect experiences - like the part that remains in fear of something that
happened many years ago regardless of how circumstances have changed and
time has passed. Parts are what make us interesting individuals. Our
colourful and diverse parts not only make us human but, one could say,
populate our internal community.
Parts, however, like members in one’s external community, can be lost. They
may become alienated through repression, denial and fear and their
relationship to Self - our internal authority - breaks down. We notice this
in society when there is increased crime or, on an individual level,
depressed mental and physical states. In a functional society, we take
notice. We open dialogue with those who have been disenfranchised, listen to
their needs, then take appropriate action. In time, we integrate those who
were lost and build a stronger community. When our internal parts become
alienated, we can follow a similar path and build a stronger sense of Self.
How we do this is just as we would in society, we open the doors of
communication.
Opening communication with our internal parts is a relatively simple
concept. It involves being still with oneself, listening, validating the
feelings and, if appropriate, taking action. It is, in many ways, the
procedure a loving parent would follow with a small child. For therein lies
the truth of the matter: our parts, or at least the disenfranchised ones,
tend to be very young.
Internal parts begin developing in our formative years. If we recall the
example I used earlier, we had a part that wanted to play hooky and another
that felt the load of responsibility. These parts may be reflecting
experiences from childhood: the part that yearned to play outside while
taking care of younger siblings versus the part that wanted to help/please
their overworked parent. If the rewards, back then, for being a caretaker
were greater than those garnered by playing outside (i.e. parental praise
vs. having fun), the playful part would likely have been put aside. Parts,
however, can only be put aside for so long and, similar to children, don’t
appreciate it. They want, and rightly so, need attention and, as any parent
will attest, an ignored child only finds more ingenious ways to be heard.
And so with parts. I imagine these parts have been the cause of many a
mid-life crisis with the blowing off of the household finances in a splashy,
red sports car. In more extreme cases, unheard parts can resort to disease
to make themselves heard. If we relate this to community issues, unheard
society members have been known to resort to crime.
So how do you communicate with these parts? Well, the easiest way is to
become aware of how you are feeling at any particular moment. Start off with
external physical sensations. Notice the chair you are sitting on and how
that feels against your body. Ask that part of your body how if feels to be
sitting there. Is it comfortable? Tired? Does it want to move? Notice other
external parts while gradually moving inwards to see how it feels inside. Is
your throat, belly or chest feeling anything? If they are, what do you
notice about that feeling? Does it feel like a rock in the pit of your belly
or a fluttering in your chest? Flesh it out. How does your chest feel about
fluttering? What’s it like for your stomach to have a rock inside it? Before
long, by following your senses and the thread that each question creates,
you may have a unique story that reflects, in metaphoric or literal terms,
the issue you are currently dealing with.
Let’s go back to our person who had the conflicting parts of playing hooky
and being responsible. We may find that she feels the desire to play as a
tightness in her throat while the latter part expresses itself as lower back
pain. Allowing both the throat and back to tell their story opens
communication with these parts. This not only helps the parts come into
relationship with Self but may get back to the original issue of not having
the space and time to rightfully play. It is like having a community forum
where all viewpoints are given space to be heard, bringing clarity, safety
and the potential for compromise and new connections. We may decide to go to
work today but play all day Saturday instead of cleaning house. With
continued listening of these alienated parts, they become integrated into
the whole and Self takes back leadership. Instead of having a part of you
that only yearns to play, you have an integrated Self that learns to
negotiate the balance of play and work.
Being in community, whether with Self or others, is about relationship: the
quality of those relationships directly affecting the strength and integrity
of the whole. When we are open and honest with ourselves, we bring a
presence to our feelings and, by extension, we become a presence in our
community.
The ARC Institute is a school of consciousness for those interested in
personal growth & bodywork therapy. Call 403.220.9560 or visit
www.thearcinstitute.com |
