 |
| Health & Wellness |
 Eating
Disorders -
Recovery...life On The Other SideBy Chanté AuBuchon It seems that a person can’t turn on the TV or flip through a newspaper without seeing something about people and food. Most articles or shows focus on overeating and it’s consequences, but other disordered eating behaviors, like bulimia are overlooked. As more and more people struggle with bulimia it has never been more important to discuss it openly. I am not a doctor with years of research under my belt, but I have something unique that I can bring to the table when it comes to bulimia; I’m a survivor. I hope that by sharing my experience with bulimia that I can not only spread awareness about this eating disorder, but also give hope to those currently struggling to reclaim their lives. My struggle with bulimia started my first year of university, one of the most common time periods for young women to begin disordered eating behaviors. Gone were the secure walls of my high school, replaced by the cold and unfamiliar walls of the university campus. Walking through my new surroundings I felt small and irrefutably inept. I began eating irregularly and became so tired I would come home from school in the afternoon and sleep until the next morning. I had no appetite anymore. I lost over twelve pounds. I went to the doctor only to discover that I had mononucleosis. Nothing could be done to treat the symptoms; I just had to wait for my body to heal. But a funny thing began to happen; everyone I knew was complimenting me on my trimmed down figure. I didn’t take much notice until I was better and had to deal with the fear of gaining back the weight. After so much positive feedback the thought of gaining weight was too much to bear. I began excessively limiting my calorie and fat intake. After a few months of this I got tired of depriving myself so I would indulge in a little piece of brownie or an extra helping of spaghetti. As soon as I swallowed, though, I would be overcome with guilt and disgust at the thought of all the extra calories I was consuming. So I began to make myself throw up. It continued in this way for another few months until I decided that if I was going to throw up what I ate I might as well have a little fun and eat stuff I really wanted. That’s when the binging began. In the first few months I would only binge and purge once a week but the frequency increased exponentially. For the next five years I struggled everyday to avoid binging and purging. Many times I hit what I thought was rock bottom. I would see blood in my vomit and swear that I would never purge again; but I would always fall back into the binge and purge cycle, which only heightened my feelings of failure and worthlessness. Unhappy with my life I tried everything I could to overcome the disorder. I found a counselor who I trusted and having her support strengthened my will to get better. But counseling alone wasn’t enough. I read every self-help book about eating disorders that I could lay my hands on. I tried medication too; name an anti-depressant and I have probably been on it at some time or another. None of these attempts proved successful until I realized that it was not going to be one pill or event or book that would change my life. So here I am now, eight months since my last binge and purge, well on the road to recovery. What finally “clicked” for me and allowed me to literally pull my life up out of the toilet was changing the way I thought, both about the disorder and myself. The most important decision I made was to commit 100% to recovery. This meant making huge changes in my life. I was miserable at university so I put my studies on hold, knowing I could return when I was healthy. I also rearranged my work schedule so as to limit the time I would have available to binge and purge. These two decisions alone led to my first week of binge/purge free days in over five years. Along with changing my activities, I had to change the way I viewed myself. A huge step for me was realizing that having bulimia does not make you a bad person. The shame and guilt that accompanies bulimia can be crippling and leads to only more feelings of worthlessness. Realizing I was not a disappointment, a failure, or a disgusting human being lifted a mountain off my shoulders and let me see myself as I really was; a person who needed help. Another critical component of my recovery was talking openly about bulimia. Trying to hide my binges and purges from my husband was almost as stressful as the behavior itself. Once I admitted to him what I was dealing with I not only felt more honest, but I found I had a new ally in my fight; my husband supported me at every trial and set back. If I had not opened up to him I do not know if I would have been able to recover. In my lowest moments I never thought I would be “bulimia free”, but I am. It was not an easy journey and I faced many difficult decisions. But the peace that comes with recovery, both physically and mentally, has made my struggle all worthwhile. Now my wish is to encourage others who may be struggling with simple words of hope: you can do it. Chanté AuBuchon was born & raised in Calgary. She has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from the University of Calgary. |