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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
My husband passed
away recently, and I am dreading Christmas this year…do you have any
suggestions as to what I can do to help get me through the holidays?
You are wise to be concerned. Christmas can be extremely hectic and
stressful at the best of times. When you have recently experienced a
significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, Christmas can be
downright dreadful.
Christmas is a time for celebrating the season with the special people in
our lives - but when an important person is no longer with us, Christmas can
bring to the surface all sorts of hurt, pain, loss, anger and sorrow,
especially when we compare this Christmas to last Christmas.
The number one thing you can do is take care of yourself…follow only the
traditions that bring you some sense of joy or comfort, or create a new one.
If this means going to Mexico and eating tacos instead of turkey, do it!
Focus on what you do still have in your life versus on what you don’t. I
realize this is extremely difficult to do, especially if the loss is recent,
but it does help.
Be cognizant of how you spend your time and energy. The Christmas after my
husband died in September 2000, I made some pretty Christmas cards with a
poem I wrote about love. I sent it to all the people who had reached out to
me after his death, thanking them for their kindness. For me, I found this
to be a healthy variation on the traditional Christmas card/letter.
What I did NOT do was read everyone else’s Christmas letter to me...you know
the ones where the person had not one but two fabulous vacations that year,
and their husband is amazing, and their two kids and the dog were all
excelling at their chosen activities, etc. I was in no position to be
hearing about everybody else’s happy little life when my own life - along
with my heart and soul - was shattered and lying in pieces around my feet.
Forget it...to the bottom of the bird cage those letters went. And yes, you
CAN do that!
Read a book that inspires you...may I suggest Tuesdays with Morrie? This is
where I found THE best piece of advice on grief: stop running from the hurt.
Instead, let it come to the surface and feel that pain, sorrow and loss.
Honour the hurt and then release it. The tears do stop...it’s when we don’t
let them flow in the first place that we get into trouble.
Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening, an award-winning
playwright/producer, workplace safety advocate, keynote as well as the
founder & CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions & Board Chair of the John
Petropoulos Memorial Fund.
www.pinkgazelle.com
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