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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
My divorced was not pleasant. When I
revisit the events of the past, it still hurts. How can I move past the
emotional pain?
Divorce can be a painful experience. The scars of divorce can be very deep,
however I want to assure you that they can be healed. You can heal.
Consider that you may still be going through the grieving process. Your
relationship has died, so you will naturally embark on the “grieving
phases”, as identified by Elisabeth Kübler Ross. Are you still denying or
going through the “I can’t believe this happened to me?” phase, or have you
moved on to anger, and are still upset and mad about the whole situation? Or
are you in next stage, which is the bargaining phase. You may feel like
perhaps there is something else you could do to save the relationship.
However, when you realize that this is the end, you may enter the depression
phase, and with this comes the feelings of sadness and despair.
Only when you finally come to terms with the fact that the relationship has
ended, you can move to acceptance and begin your new journey. Recognize the
distinct feelings in each phase and allow yourself to move through them at
your own pace. When you reach the acceptance phase you can begin to
reconnect with your higher self, that part of you that is wise and knowing;
some call this an “observer self”. When you reconnect with this higher self,
you begin the process of forgiveness; understand that forgiveness does not
mean that the pain and hurt did not exist.
Forgiveness is a process whereby you can disconnect those feelings from the
actions, as you re-evaluate the actions from a wider context where you can
understand why the apparent betrayer behaved the way they did, acting based
on ignorance, fear, anger or pain. Forgiveness does not justify the
behaviour. It simply allows you to have a greater understanding; you can
heal and disconnect from the emotional pain. As Paul Boese said:
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Once
you have forgiven yourself and others, you are open to a rebirth phase, an
awakening of your humanness with its vulnerabilities and its strengths. You
can move on.
You are not alone; reach out for assistance when you are in need. There are
many healers, support groups as well as books that can guide and assist you
along the way. Most importantly, remember to be kind and compassionate with
yourself. Take time for self care and self love. You can move on and live a
life filled with happiness, love and joy!
Manon Mitchell is a Certified Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist & owner
of Cadenza. For more advice, call Manon at 403.862.5452 or visit
www.mycadenza.com
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