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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
How can I get my partner to go to a “Couples’ Weekend” or see a
relationship therapist with me?
More than likely one of you is more eager to attend something like this.
This is not uncommon. But first, I want you to ask yourself this: why do you
want to go to therapy or have some coaching? Is it for yourself or to fix
your partner? When you decide that you want to be better connected to your
mate and take your relationship to the next level, then perhaps your request
can be communicated without any expectation of an outcome.
Is it possible to state your preference without any expectation of an
outcome? I want to remind you of an experience that you may have had in your
life. How many times did you want something, perhaps a new jacket or gadget?
After some deliberation, you came to the conclusion that you were okay with
having or not having it. And then, all of a sudden, the item appeared on
sale or someone bought it for you. The point is: it showed up just when you
were least expecting it. No pushing or grasping. The same can apply with
your partner.
Your approach may sound like this “I would like to change and grow so that I
can be a better partner to you. Would you help me with this?” Your
preference is stated in such a way that is not demanding or laced with an
ultimatum. It is genuine and void of criticism or judgments about the
marriage or your partner.
By stating your desire for your own personal growth, this leaves room for
him/her to have their opinion or perspective. It is also an opportunity to
be open and curious about their response, especially if it differs from
yours.
By now, you have created some space for “two opinions” to emerge. This is
the first step to creating a bridge between the two of you and understanding
that you are two different people with different preferences and styles.
Yes, these differences can create conflict. That is normal. However, they
can also complement one another and make for a passionate partnership. When
you appreciate and honour all the ways that your partner is similar and
different, you have essentially started the therapeutic process. Well done.
You are well on your way!
Interested in re-igniting the passion in your relationship? Contact
Kathleen Cowan, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist at 403.675.0128. To
learn more about Kathleen’s services for couples & individuals, visit
www.theloveofattraction.com
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