|
RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
A man that I love has recently met someone else and ended our dating
relationship to be with her. I am so angry and hurt, and just cannot forgive
them. Do you have any advice on how I can get over this?
Unrequited love always hurts, but might I suggest three ways that you may be
able to create some peace in your heart.
Firstly, please recognize that the other woman is NOT your enemy. We all
want to be loved and honoured, and people’s hearts can change, sometimes
away from you to someone else. Are you able to remember a time when YOUR
heart shifted? You could not help it. You could not force yourself to love,
no matter how hard you tried or how much you wanted to. You are hurt, but
KNOW that they did not intentionally want to hurt you.
Secondly, she is not only NOT your enemy, but she is your spiritual sister.
Are you able to allow her this experience? If he has decided to be with her,
are you able to figuratively “say” to her, “You can have him”. Imagine that.
You can have him. These four little words have the potential to set you
free. Further, why would YOU want someone in your life who did not want to
be there?
Thirdly, try to turn your tears into tears of gratitude that your love
together as a couple happened at all. Acknowledge the love and the moments
shared. Instead of crying in pain from his absence, celebrate the miracle
that you are able to feel that deeply. Wow.
Once there is a softening of the hurt and anger, compassion steps in.
Softly, gently and with love, compassion gives forgiveness itself; the love
needed to know that we are all doing our best. Compassion wraps its arms
around the word forgiveness and opens up its heart. The emotional charge of
judgment is gone. Hurt ego disappears. Unlike the harshness of forgiveness,
compassion gives us all a soft place to fall. Judeo-christian forgiveness
seems to need a right and a wrong, but compassion just is.
Because there is now compassion for her, for him, and more importantly,
compassion for yourself, you become empowered, and are no longer a victim of
being “wronged”.
Peace.
Dendarah Hathorchuk is the author of “Recovering From Religion: from
scripture to stripture”, & can be contacted at
dendarah@shaw.ca
|
