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RISING WOMEN EXPERTS...
At work I’m over-sensitive to what my co-workers say and they tell me
I have poor boundaries. How can I change?
By Jan Mitchell of Expanding Minds
You are one of the many women who struggle with unhealthy boundaries. These
boundaries are a painful program running in your unconscious mind. Just like
a computer, your unconscious mind is filled with “mental programs”. Many of
them work very well, while others cause problems. Your “poor boundaries
mental program” is causing problems and it needs to be updated to a “healthy
boundaries mental program”.
Begin building healthy boundaries by listing your unhealthy boundaries;
include where, when and with whom they appear. Become aware of what you are
feeling with various co-workers and in specific work situations, then focus
on separating these feelings from other peoples feelings. Do you have a
tendency to carry “other people’s emotions”? Recognize what “emotional
garbage” is yours and what is the other person’s. Try separating out
“neutral information” or what the situation is about “without the emotions”.
In a quiet place and time, close your eyes and review a past experience of
being over-sensitive. Re-enact the situation in your minds eye. What is
going on for you emotionally? Did you want to be liked or to protect
yourself in some way? Notice your feelings and name them. Then become aware
of the other persons feelings, behaviours, actions, reactions and choices.
Guess at what feelings the other person has. What fears are in play? Now
give back the other persons feelings and emotional garbage. Picture yourself
handling the situation in a better way; make different choices or take more
positive actions, and notice what feelings, thoughts and pictures come to
mind. Repeat this exercise with a time when you felt criticised or when you
did too much for others.
Over the next weeks, notice old patterns as they come up. Acknowledge them
by saying, “Oh, that’s just a feeling of …” This stops “automatic
reactions”, and let’s you make better choices. Take into consideration your
personality type, level of confidence, your emotional wellness and the
emotional health of your childhood.
Finally, continue playing with this process as each boundary issue surfaces.
Think about what you feel, clarify the underlying fear for yourself and the
other person, and remember that everyday you are improving your boundaries.
Using NLP, Jan Mitchell, Master NLP Counselor of Expanding Minds can
help you through this process. Call 403.225.2973 or visit
www.expanding-minds.com
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