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ASK
OUR EXPERTS...
I avoid confrontation like the “plague”. Do you have any
suggestions on how I can manage conflict in my workplace?
By Sara Lee of S. Lee H.R. Consulting Inc.
I am the master of conflict avoidance. Oh yes! Let’s ignore, belittle,
discredit and dismiss it. Unfortunately that is not how it works. The
reality is there will always be conflict in the workplace. Avoidance is not
an option. We have to learn how to deal with it. Remember the old adage
“it’s all about me?” Truth be told, conflict often has nothing to do with
us. It’s about them. They are the ones with the problem...you are just in
the line of fire.
To manage conflict, we have to be in charge of our response to the
situation. There are choices we can make about how we react to conflict. How
do you want to respond? Add fuel to the fire? Turn around and walk away?
Seek to understand what is going on and act accordingly?
Try these steps to help you face conflict and respond with the least amount
of stress:
1) Do not allow yourself to get into a power struggle with this person! You
won’t win!
2) Do not let them see your stress. Try not to let their behaviour get to
you. Some people act out their frustration and aggression rather than
dealing with the situation head on. If you show a reaction to their
nonsense, you have rewarded and reinforced the behaviour and it is more
likely to happen again. Whenever possible, ignore it. It is not about you!
3) Describe the behaviour and its practical impact. Take the time to explain
to the person that their behaviour creates a problem. You can say: “Whenever
we discuss something important, and you make a cynical comment, it hinders
the discussion. It would be helpful if you tell me what you are thinking so
I can respond to your concerns.”
4) Ask this person for improvement ideas. Actively solicit the person’s
ideas on how to improve things.
5) If (when) the person denies the problem, identify the inconsistencies in
what the person is saying and what they are doing. You might say: “You say
you are not upset about this but you raise your voice and point your finger
at me.”
This is not easy and takes time to get past your own emotional response to
conflict. But, try it, as it really does work. And, practice does make
perfect (well at least better anyway!)
For more practical advice on conflict resolution, contact Sara Lee of S.
Lee H.R. Consulting at 403.870.5253
www.leeconsulting.ca
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