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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
I’m a 44-year-old female, divorced for two years and just starting to
date. I really want to be with someone, but I don’t want to appear to be
desperate. How should I approach the idea of dating?
First, make a decision that you want to meet someone. Commit to that. By
doing this you now have a solid goal in mind.
Secondly, think about good character of the mate you are seeking - not the
residue of character, because that can be faked. Character is how a person
thinks of life in general, how they think of their life and of all the
people around them. You’re really looking for someone who is honest, someone
you can trust and someone who is sincere. Good looks and a sense of humour
might be charming at first, but after awhile, if the person only possesses
these residual characteristics and not the good qualities of character, you
will end up becoming confused and hurt.
Thirdly, set out to meet people on that basis, and at the same time, work on
yourself. If you have your act together, you will naturally shine and become
more attractive.
There’s a fine balance in dating. Keep things in perspective. Until you get
to know someone, you don’t know whether you really want to be with him or
not. Hold back and if you’re sincere, give someone else the chance to be
sincere.
Men like the chase. Give in too quickly and they might turn tail and run,
figuring that you’re willing to be with anyone, just so you’re not alone.
That doesn’t mean that you don’t return his calls (that’s just plain rude!).
But it does mean that you don’t sit by the phone waiting for him to call.
You want him to know that you have a life (even if you don’t think you do!).
Remember: You have to be independent before you can be interdependent.
Otherwise, you’re just dependent. A place no one wants to be.
One final thought...why don’t men call when they say they will? Try not to
take it personally, don’t dwell on it and just move on. Like it or not, he
simply wasn’t that interested. Maybe the next guy will call. That’s the man
you want to date - not “Mr. Pants On Fire”!
Written by Cathy Brewer
at Calgary Speed Dating. |
