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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
Should I choose
between loving my child and
disciplining her?
Parenting is an important part of raising children as is loving and caring
for them. The paramount task in good parenting is about providing a secure
and loving home, helping them to learn the rules of life and developing
their self-esteem. If children do not learn these appropriate behaviours,
they will find it difficult to cooperate with others, stay task-oriented and
manage their frustrations or disappointments.
Parental discipline, however, isn’t only limited to verbal corrections but
most importantly to constantly modeling desired actions by their caregivers.
Being consistent is critical in modeling healthy discipline. If parents
don’t stick to the rules, their child will learn that she can manipulate
them. Involving your child in decision making empowers them by giving them a
sense of control and input into the process. Sit down with your child and
talk to them about good behaviours. You might be surprised about how much
you both agree on.
Another parental strategy is praising your children when they have done
something well, and you are pleased with them. For example, give them a hug
and tell them how great they have done. You need to do this immediately.
Similarly, disciplining and indicating their shortcomings needs to be done
promptly to ensure that your child can connect your feedback with the event.
It is fundamental to be clear with your child about your expectations.
Simply telling them to “be good” does not work. If your child can’t
understand you, they can’t obey you. So keep it short and simple. For
example: “Please put your toys away before you’ll get your treat...” tells a
child exactly your expectations.
Being calm while correcting any unwanted behaviours can be very difficult in
the moment, but it does make a huge difference as it communicates a sense of
control and love for them. Lastly, being realistic with your expectations
may lower your parental frustration level and diminish conflicts with your
children.
Parenting well takes a great deal of energy. It’s easy to let things slip if
you are depressed, tired or stressed. Specialists like marriage and family
therapists can help you find what is causing the problem and suggest
practical ways of helping.
Tom Zaniecki MSc, RSW is a licensed marriage & family therapist in a
local private practice. Please call Tom at 403.471.3955 or email
tomzaniecki@hotmail.com with
any questions regarding parenting. |
