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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
It’s been months
since the guy I thought I would marry broke up with me. I can’t seem to get
over this no matter how hard I try. I keep trying to figure out where I went
wrong. S O S!
First off, you’ve been “RE-living” this relationship far too long...there I
said it, did you hear me? This is a common reaction derived from trying to
figure out exactly what went wrong; usually blaming yourself with a deluded
vision of the actual fact...it takes two to make it or break it! This
“over-analyzation” is basically fueled by the inaccurate belief that if you
could just figure out exactly what “derailed”, then you could let go. What
you are doing here is keeping yourself hooked on what “could have been”,
which prevents you from moving on. Reality is that relationships are very
volatile life events, and figuring out the “end” is impossible because
although a “relationship” is a partnership of “two”, both parties are still
“individuals” with very different morals, values and emotions.
If you keep asking your “brain” to figure out what you did wrong, it’s going
to search for all kinds of reasons, and you are going to wind up feeling
like a failure. As a woman, you must recognize that there are differences
between women and men. This difference (and please understand everyone that
I am speaking in “general” terms here) is that men have a front door and a
back door to their hearts; women lack the benefit of the “back” door, making
“getting over” someone much more difficult. What you need to do is ask your
“Self” if you have handled yourself in a way that honoured your morals,
values and emotions. Did you behave and make choices that allowed you to
“exhale” in that “calm” state we have all experienced in the eye of chaos?
Are you ready to allow yourself to move on? To do this, make a list of all
the things that you have learned from this one relationship that strikes you
as “amazing”; that heart fluttering bliss. And then make a list of what you
have learned that sends your “gut” into a knot. Not an easy task; but one
well worth the challenge if you truly want to heal your pain and move
forward. What went wrong? Not an issue now. What is important is that you
recognize what you want in a relationship, and what you will no longer
accept. Your front door is “bliss” and your newly installed “back door” is
your “gut”.
Thank your Ex for your new found strength -- it’s probably not the first
time you despised the “messenger”, now is it? Open your front door for a
new, more suited mate that better fits your morals, values and emotions.
Life is too short to “RE-live”, start living!
Have questions that need answers? Email them to our panel of Experts at
experts@risingwomen.com
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