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RISING WOMEN EXPERT ADVICE...
My mother is driving
me crazy! How can I just enjoy our time together and stop myself from
reacting emotionally?
Many successful women, with their own careers and families, often still get
triggered emotionally within one of their primary relationships, leaving
them feeling angry and exasperated despite their best intentions. They may
love and feel loved in the relationship but in their interactions, something
often seems to flip an emotional switch that makes them feel, and act, like
a 5-year old. And as they get older, and become determined to make the most
of the time that they have with their loved one, this pattern also leads to
guilt and self-deprecation. “What is wrong with me that I can’t make this
relationship work?”
Here are some tools that will support you in shifting this situation and
reclaiming the associated emotional energy:
First, I would recommend identifying your over-arching commitment to the
relationship. What is it that you want to create? Look for your highest
commitment, your loftiest vision; something that inspires you, something
that can stop you in your tracks and provide immediate perspective, even in
those emotionally charged moments. What if you could create the relationship
with her that you want to have with your daughter in the future?
Second, practice being the observer in the situation; practice being on the
outside looking in. Can you identify the triggers for the reactions that
result in your anger and frustration? Noticing the triggers is 90 percent of
the solution. With practice, you will start to recognize the signs in the
moment they are happening, or even before they start.
It is in those moments, those EXACT moments, when your habit has been to
react emotionally, that you have the power to make a different choice. This
is the third step - choice. As human beings, our thoughts and actions are
not pre-determined by external stimuli. We have the power of choice; the
power to stop, notice, and make a choice that is guided only by our vision
and commitment. Noticing first that you have a choice, and then exercising
this power in the service of your commitments, is the key to shifting the
behavior and in turn, changing the results.
Practicing these tools of identifying your COMMITMENTS, NOTICING your
triggers and making CHOICES will strengthen your skill and ability to use
them. With practice, you will find that it will become easier to make
choices that are in alignment with your higher commitments, and in this
case, improve your relationship.
Visit
www.powerforlifecoaching.ca or call 250.532.0165 for other useful
information about how to transform your life or relationships.
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