|
RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
Last week my
supervisor told me that I see criticism as a personal attack. Far too often
I feel emotionally and physically ill. How can I change?
People who have felt emotionally devastated, physically uncomfortable or
spiritually attacked when receiving criticism are often surprised to learn
that others experience criticism as “simple feedback” from other people,
their work and the world. “Simple feedback” people see incidents through an
“internal filter” in their brain that separates other peoples emotional
“stuff” from their own “stuff” and then look for useful information and
decide what they “could” do with it. As you learn to do the same, you will
improve yourself, your work, your relationships and your life.
Start by first getting a notebook and writing down three experiences in the
past where you saw yourself take criticism personally and answer the
following questions:
(a) Who was involved? Was it a boss, authority, spouse, friend, family or a
peer? Male or female? What personality type are they? Were they
intentionally or always critical?
(b) Where did it happen? At work, socially, at home?
(c) When did it happen? What time of day? Was it a busy time of the month,
were you tired, hungry, stressed?
Next, pretend that you are “observing” the first scenario. Imagine a picture
where you see yourself and the other person in that specific situation.
Imagine you are watching only and notice the body language of yourself and
the other person. What was said and not said? Write down feelings, thoughts
and underlying fears. Then observe what was going on for the other person.
Guess if you don’t know. What were their fears? What did they want?
With this greater awareness, brainstorm three different ways how you could
have changed the scenario. What could you have said or done differently?
Perhaps you could have taken several deep breathes to calm yourself; asked
clarifying questions; noticed the other person was frustrated? Maybe you
needed time to think about what was said and to write out a response. Guess
what percentage of this situation was about you and how much of it was not
about you? Could you have made light of the situation? Write these down and
then imagine the scene re-playing with each new response. Which response
would have been best?
Finally, visualize yourself reacting this way in the future with different
people and situations. Pay attention to triggers and use the above technique
to change your behaviors. Practice it and in a short time it will become
automatic.
For more advice on how to improve your confidence, contact Jan
Mitchell, Master NLP Counselor at 403.225.2973. Visit
www.expanding-minds.com to learn more about Jan. |
