|
 The
Childless Choice
- Is Childlessness the Tidal Wave of the Future?
By Judy Macleod
Having children is an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience.
Happy parents will confirm that having children was one of the greatest
things they did in their life. Yet surprisingly, statistics show that over
the last 30-some years there has been incredible growth in the number of
women choosing to remain childless.
In 1964, 13.2 percent of women aged fifteen to forty-five had never had
children. By 1976, this number had jumped to 35.1 percent. The US Census
Bureau showed that in 1998, 42.2 percent of all women were childless and
this trend is expected to continue, prompting the world to begin asking
“What is the Childless Choice?”.
The term “childless” can be misleading as many of the women and couples who
remain childless have the ability to have children but have simply made a
decision not to. Those who have chosen childlessness would prefer to be
called “childfree” as this term more adequately describes their state as
happily childless.
There is no doubt that children bring happiness and joy to the families who
long for them and when a couple desperately wants to have children, perhaps
the responsibilities and requirements of being a parent are easier to
handle. But to those who do not have an inward desire for children, the
commitment and work associated with having them can seem exhausting and
restricting.
Childfree women and couples have many reasons why they chose a life without
children. For example, finances. Children are incredibly expensive and it
has been estimated that each child may cost a parent $200,000. With
university and college tuitions constantly on the rise, this number may be
even greater. Childfree couples do not have this incredible expense and
therefore have more disposable income for the things that fulfill them;
continuing education classes, traveling, nights out with friends or a
spouse, caring for elderly parents or simply keeping up the lifestyle they
enjoy.
These couples also enjoy more freedom and spontaneity in their everyday
lives. Their activities do not have to be organized around feedings,
bedtimes, school and sports schedules. They tend to have more personal time
and more time with their spouses, which they feel allows them lower-stress
lifestyles and better marriages.
The childfree are concerned also with environmental factors. In 1999, the
world’s population reached 6 billion people and those concerned with the
environment are worried that our earth will not be able to sustain such a
huge population. Childfree people feel that they are assisting our planet.
Also, some people simply may not enjoy the company and presence of children,
though often this is not the case. Many happily childfree people enjoy the
contact they have with children through their jobs as teachers or
counselors, or through family as aunts and uncles, but simply do not want
children of their own.
But in the end it all comes down to this: personal preference. When faced
with a decision “Do I or don’t I have children?” a person or couple must
choose the path that fulfills them. Steven Reiss, Ph. D., in his book “Who
Am I?” describes the “16 basic desires that motivate our actions and define
our personalities”. He suggests that when we discover which of the 16
desires are important to us, we may have a clearer understanding of how to
achieve a more meaningful life. “Family” or the desire to “raise and love
your own children” is one of these basic desires. He asks the reader to rate
family as very important if “raising children is essential to your
happiness” or as less important if you find “being a parent or the idea of
it mostly burdensome”. Those who have chosen a childfree life would probably
rate their need for children of their own as “less important”.
If you are struggling with the decision to not have children, you are not
alone. You are part of a rapidly growing group. In her book “The Childless
Revolution”, Madelyn Cain offers “If this trend continues, and all
indications are that it will, childless women will very soon be the norm,
not the exception” and adds “Childlessness is the tidal wave of the future.”
In the arena of big decisions of life, this is a whopper and it must be made
with careful consideration. It would be painful to eventually find that you
regret not having had children, and the reverse is true as well. In 1975,
Ann Landers asked her parent-readers to answer the question, “If you had it
to do over again, would you have children?” and, surprisingly, 70 percent of
the parents responded “NO”. The potential for regret exists on both sides of
this decision, and neither path is easy. I’m sure everyone can agree that
raising children is the hardest job in the world, and perhaps the most
important and childfree people find their path surrounded by controversy and
confusion. Childfree people may find that relatives and friends are
disappointed by this decision, or that people may suggest they are selfish
or assume they have reproductive problems.
But in the end, you can only choose what’s best for your life, your
marriage, your future. Choosing to live your life in the way that will
fulfill you is not selfish. People choose to have children because that is
what they want in their life - that is what makes life meaningful for them.
Childfree people have chosen a different path but for the same reason.
If you need assistance with your choice reach out to family, friends or
acquaintances that may be in the same boat or can support you and your
choice, or access one of the websites and chat rooms which are devoted to
childfree women and couples. I welcome your comments, questions or stories
at jody_macleod@yahoo.ca
Jody Macleod is a freelance writer based in Calgary & the H/R Manager
& Assistant Installer for Grenier Enterprises Inc. Jody lives with her
husband Dan & their 4 cats. |
