|
 Who's
to Blame?
- The Freedom and Power of Accountability
By Jay Fiset, author of Reframe Your Blame
Why an article on accountability? While hardly a new topic, the concept
is widely maligned, misunderstood or missed completely. Until we are willing
to live our lives from an accountable perspective, there are always excuses
as to why we can’t, why our lives don’t work, and why we should not even
try. Let’s start at the beginning. The three basic levels of accountability
are, briefly:
1) Accountability for our feelings: I do not have choice regarding all the
events in my life but I always have choice in how I respond to those events.
2) Accountability for our feelings, choices and lessons: I co-create the
experiences in my life. I choose not to waste precious energy blaming myself
or anyone else. I honestly examine all of MY choices that co-create the
experiences in my life and I choose to learn valuable lessons from
everything I experience.
3) Spiritual accountability for everything: This level of accountability is
best framed by the statement, “I chose my parents and I will choose the
time, place and method of my death.” The implications are many but simply
put, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. The experiences we
co-create here on earth have some purpose or lesson for us, both at a human
and spiritual level. It is our job while we are here to discover that
purpose, learn and evolve.
Accountability is a massive concept; however there are some foundational
ideas that assist in its integration:
1) Accountability is not “right”, it is simply a way of viewing our lives
and experiences that helps us to let go of the past and move forward in
life.
2) Accountability is an internal experience; no one can make you
accountable.
3) Accountability is the foundation of freedom and personal power.
In defining accountability it is sometimes easier to start with what
accountability is NOT, as our society is very invested in the model of
blame. If something is “wrong” then there must be someone to blame; someone
or something is responsible. Accountability is NOT SELF BLAME. Too many
people believe that being accountable is being responsible and most have the
experience of blame attached to being responsible. The first and most
important step in understanding and applying accountability is accepting the
concept there is NO BLAME. This idea, while it sounds simple, is really
quite radical, and doesn’t fit within belief systems held by most. If the
concept of no blame is difficult for you, ask yourself this question, “What
if there is no one to blame?” How would that impact your life? How could it
assist you and free up your energy? Would this idea support you to forgive
yourself and others? Releasing the energy of blame can transform your life.
Become conscious of where in your life you blame others and you blame
yourself. If possible, let go of the blame and see how it feels. A concept
that allowed me to stop blaming is: We all have made the best possible
choices we knew how to make when those choices were made, with the
information we had at the time (information means our entire development as
human beings, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually).
The truth is, for most people, this is exceptionally difficult to accept. We
have been hard wired to blame and there must be someone or something at
fault. If we begin to release this idea, we can let go of the emotional
energy and weight of blame in our lives. What we are aiming for is the
experience of truly accepting what is. Regardless of how much we feel blame
may be justified in a given circumstance, a more important question is, “Is
it your wisest choice to consume your precious life energy blaming yourself
or others?”
If we choose to blame, we project our life experiences outside of ourselves
where we have no power, or internally where we diminish and demean
ourselves. From either of these positions we cannot learn or move forward in
life. We can only stay stuck. Ask the question, “What is my life lesson in
this experience?” Only after answering this question can we really move
forward to the power of accountability. The key to ongoing empowerment and
personal evolution is interpreting and applying the lessons in our lives.
Practice answering the question “What choices did I make to co-create this
experience in my life?” Answer the question in areas of your life where
things are going great and areas where things are not terrific. There are
significant lessons in both circumstances.
Now the most important aspect of truly being accountable is the application
of the lesson(s). Accountability has become a much more commonly used term
over the past 15 years. Many people now profess to be accountable and, even
more entertaining, to taking accountability. I always wonder, taking it from
where? The grounding of taking accountability is usually still related to
the weight of responsibility and blame, yet the results in their lives never
seem to shift. Here is the measure of true accountability. Our results in
life change because we apply the lessons of our life. It is a simple and
powerful measure. If our results do not change, we have not learned the
lessons and keep recreating similar experiences over and over again. If we
choose to accept (and apply) the concept of accountability, then no matter
the circumstance, we can choose to accept, learn and grow, regardless of how
challenging it may be.
The final component of accountability is the capacity to attach meaning and
significance to the events in our lives in a manner that supports us to move
forward, evolve and more consciously engage in our lives.
Jay Fiset, author of Reframe Your Blame - How to be Personally
Accountable. |
