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Our feelings are rich in meaning. What does that mean?
By Marion Smith-Olson of Soul Sifting Inc.
Let us revisit history for a moment. We are born with the capacity to
have and experience many different feelings. I suspect we begin to “feel
less” over time - for example, while growing up, we are taught to discard
our feelings because “big boys don’t cry!” or “you shouldn’t feel that way!”
We were made to feel shame about our feelings and eventually we pushed them
down or abandoned them altogether, instead of having them validated. What a
travesty!!
One needs to reconnect with their feelings - and it is no easy task to be
able to capitalize on the richness of meaning our feelings convey. On the
other hand, if our feelings are met with approval and understanding, we
learn to talk about them and grow as individuals and connect more to our
inner selves which strengthens our emotional boundaries. When we are able to
express our feelings honestly and openly and without judgment, we gain many
benefits:
1) Our feelings help us identify boundary violations such as inappropriate
touching, prying, giving unsolicited advice, discounting someone’s feelings
and racial slurs. We have the innate capability to recognize that something
has been said or done that is not right. That is why it is imperative to not
push our feelings down or away, but to embrace them for they will guide us
in making the best decision. This protects us from emotional or physical
harm.
2) Attending to our feelings helps us ascertain a personal direction, which
means if something feels “right” we should go for it; for example decisions
relating to career and family among others.
3) When we get to know who we are as an individual and what our likes and
dislikes are, our self-esteem increases. We become more confident and self
assured and don’t allow other people to make decisions or tell us how we are
“supposed to feel”. We become empowered from within rather than from
without.
4) Taking responsibility for our feelings that consistently arise in our
life, such as anger, jealousy, etc., demonstrates that we will not be held
hostage by the words and/or actions of others or by our inner tyrant.
We are not our feelings BUT we can get to know ourselves through our
feelings. Be compassionate and gentle with yourself.
For more practical advice on this subject, contact Marion Smith-Olson
of Soul Sifting Inc. at 403.239.2362
marion.smith-olson@soulsifting.com
Visit her website at
www.soulsifting.com |
