 Are
Your Feeling "Stuck"?
5 Common Behaviors That Are Holding Us Back
By Mary Ann Bailey of Bailey Coaching
People find themselves feeling stuck in
different ways. They may be in a relationship that no longer is working, but
don’t know how to leave. They may have a dream of starting a business, but
aren’t sure where to begin. The feeling of being stuck is very familiar for
most of us and even though our lives seem to be in constant motion, very
little of that motion actually moves us forward. Why is it so easy for us to
lose life’s flow? What is it about the way we live our lives that leads us
towards being “stuck”? There are probably many answers to these questions.
Following are five of the most common behaviors I see that hold us back from
living the lives we really want to live.
1) Believing What You Think - The average mind has about
60,000 thoughts a day and most of us believe 99% of what we think. Some of
our thoughts are a product of how we were raised and the culture in which we
live. Others are the product of our mind synthesizing our observations into
our own brilliant deductions about the world. Our thoughts help us make
sense of our world and our life so it is only logical that we hold our
thoughts to be the truth. This, however, is where we can get into trouble.
We cling to beliefs that no longer may serve us. How many of you know for
certain that you are not good at art, sports or math. Most of us didn’t
leave elementary school without having gotten some negative feedback in at
least one of these three areas.
What beliefs are you still hanging onto that may be keeping your life stuck?
What things do you think you could never do? Who would be very upset if you
were to follow your heart? It might be time to examine your belief system
and see what thoughts are holding you hostage in your life.
2) Blaming Others for Our Circumstances - How often have you heard
comments such as, “My manager is such a jerk. No wonder I am having trouble
doing my job.” Or, “Don’t blame me. I didn’t make that decision!” We all
have things in our lives that are not going as well as we would like. That
is just the way life is. It throws us curve balls and our job is to figure
out the best way to deal with them. Some people defer to curve balls. They
remove themselves from the batter’s box and wait for a pitch they like
better. Meanwhile, life continues on and after a while these people find
themselves still standing outside the batter’s box feeling stuck and stalled
in their life.
Why not step up to the plate and give that curve ball your best shot! You
are the only one who can truly take charge of the situation. What would it
take for you to hit that ball? Start by putting together a game plan that
includes intention, determination, and lots of practice. You might not hit
the first few pitches. But eventually you will get your timing and start
knocking those balls out of the park. You will begin to see that the more
you step into your life, the less stuck you will feel.
3) Taking Life (and Yourself) Too Seriously - Most of us were
raised to believe that the key to success was hard work. Recently that
belief has been revised to include very long hours. I would like to
challenge that belief with another old adage: “All work and no play makes
Jack/Jill a dull person.” To keep our lives flowing we need to intersperse
fun, laughter and creativity with our work. We need to be able to take time
to enjoy and re-energize ourselves without feeling guilty or irresponsible.
It is during these times of rest and fun that our minds are free to dream
and imagine. This is when we come up with solutions to our problems, new
ways to hit life’s curve balls, and new strategies to enliven and enrich
ourselves.
4) Living Life from the Middle - The easiest ways to keep our life
stuck is to live it from the middle rather than closer to the edge. This
means remaining safely in your comfort zone, doing things the same way,
avoiding change at all costs, and eliminating all spontaneity from your
life. As boring as this may sound, it is the way a majority of people live.
And, as a result, the middle is an extremely crowded place and it is very
easy to feel stuck when you are there. By encouraging yourself to take
small, yet consistent, steps toward the “edge” you will find that life has
much more room in which to move around. The edge is not as scary as you
might think. As you begin to try new things, new perspectives will open up
and you will see more possibilities and opportunities. You will meet people
who are also stepping outside their comfort zone and who can be supportive
in your journey. As your life begins to open and flow, you will wonder how
you ever stood living in the middle.
5) Falling Prey to the F.E.A.R of the Unknown - Fear is a
powerful emotion. It protects us and keeps us from doing dangerous things,
yet it can also keep us from doing new and wonderful things. Most of us get
a little nervous when we are not sure about what is around the corner. Yet,
sometimes getting our life unstuck takes a leap of faith and a strong belief
that fear just stand for: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Have you always dreamed about starting your own business, becoming a
sculptor, or sailing around the world? To give any chance to those dreams
coming true you must face the fears that are holding you back head on and
put your trust in you and your dream. Will you be successful? Maybe yes,
maybe no. But at least you have opened the door to the possibility of your
dream coming true. If you let yourself get frozen by the fear of the
negative things that might happen and never open that door, you will have no
chance of realizing your dream and you will always be left with the question
of what could have been.
Our lives, like rivers, will always experience a few log-jams. The issue is
not whether we get stuck, it is how we get our-selves extricated from the
jam to get our lives flowing again. Becoming aware of which behaviour
patterns are responsible for keeping us stuck is a great place to start that
process.
Mary Ann Bailey, MC, is a life coach who specializes in helping
professional women who are struggling with midlife career changes. Visit
www.baileycoaching.com for free articles & resources that will
help you get your life moving forward in the direction you want. |
