 Relationships
- Enneagram Head
Types - Part 3
By Gayle Laird of Innerworks
In the previous issues I’ve described the Heart Types - who experience
the world through their feelings and relationships, and Body Types - who
experience the world through kinesthetic sense and gut instincts. This
article we will look at Head Types.
Head Types perceive the world through their cognition and
intellect. All of us have a head centre of intelligence which is where we
see a vision of the future, gain an overview of a situation, or analyse
data. When used correctly, our intellect inspires us and allows us to be
imaginative and creative; when misused it makes us miserable with worries,
fears, resentments and other types of “negative” imaginings.
Head Types focus on the facts and logic in any situation. They take a step
back to assess what’s going on and are thus characterized by an underlying
fear. Type Fives are afraid of being engulfed by people and their demands,
Sixes have generalized anxiety (i.e. worries, doubts), Sevens are afraid of
their own internal pain. These are people who like to discuss ideas, take
courses and learn new things. They are great planners and enjoy synthesizing
information and creating new theories out of old.
In terms of relationships, it is easy to see that Head Types who speak the
language of logic and facts may have difficulty communicating with Heart
Types who want to spend time processing feelings. In fact, Head Types may
not even have a feeling vocabulary.
Other potential conflicts are between Body Types, who put a high premium on
action and doing, Head Types who want to intellectualize situations and
Heart Types who want to explore their feelings before, during and after any
activity. There is lots of potential for misunderstanding and discord unless
we learn to appreciate different types and begin to stretch our own style to
accommodate others. As you read the following descriptions see if you can
identify with any of these types; or perhaps you can see your partner as one
of these types.
Type Five: The Observer (need to be detached/understood) -
These are the “still waters run deep” and “absent-minded professor” types.
They keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves so they can be difficult
to read. Fives need time alone and privacy; they enjoy being by themselves
to think about life and engage in their (often solitary) pursuits. Their
central issue is fear of feeling, which can create a strain in an intimate
relationship. Partners of Fives should not demand an immediate response in
an emotional situation. If Fives feel invaded they withdraw to spend time on
their own to figure out where they stand. Their partners may resent always
having to be the active agent trying to draw out the Fives. On the up side,
Fives can share a rich inner life of profound thoughts with their partners.
Ideas are important to them and they want to be respected for both their
practical suggestions and intellectual theories. In order to feel
comfortable, they like to plan ahead and they want others to provide
specific information about upcoming events. Keen observers of others’
behavior, they are able to summarize what has occurred and dispense useful
advice with succinct comments.
Type Six: The Guardian (need to be safe and secure) - Sixes
have a propensity to scan the horizon for potential dangers. Their ability
to have a “sixth sense” about potential problems makes them great at
troubleshooting and preparing for crises and difficulties. However, if they
worry too much they can have an air of general foreboding about them. This
results in either a tendency to draw back from perceived threats or to
challenge them head-on as a way of dealing with internal anxiety. Their
central issue is trust - it takes a long time to develop and is fragile - a
small problem can call the whole relationship into question. Basic premises
are questioned over and over, “Do I really trust my partner?” They react
strongly if they feel their partner is trying to control them since they
feel a lot of ambivalence towards authority figures. Affiliations are
important to Sixes and they maintain membership in a wide variety of formal
and informal groups. They can be very opinionated in expressing their ideas
and arguing their point of view. Sixes often have long-term relationship
because they are willing to take on the “problem in the marriage,” and are
very loyal to family and friends.
Type Seven: The Enthusiast (need to be excited) - Sevens want
to enjoy life. They like to make plans for opportunities to entertain
themselves. This focus on more and more pleasure produces a gluttonous
craving for amusing diversions that shield them from life’s painful
realities. The problem is they don’t see the problem(s), everything is
upbeat and wonderful. Difficulties are often glossed over with interesting
activities so there is little time for discussion or reflection.
Confrontations and recriminations are painful and are avoided (“Let’s go out
to a movie and dinner and forget about it.”). They like to keep their
options open and resist making commitments. They are elusive, resist being
pinned down and brush off any objections of others. They may shy away from
responsibilities which might limit their freedom. This irresponsibility can
be a major source of irritation. They can be wonderfully creative and start
many different endeavours, however can lack staying power and abandon a
project before it’s completed. On the high side Sevens can keep feelings
alive through activity, mental pursuits, new interests, sex and play. Upbeat
and optimistic, they have the ability to spread joy and laughter.
I hope I have wet your appetite to further explore the fascinating world of
the nine Enneagram types and discover as my grandmother did that,
“Everyone’s weird but me and thee, and thee’s a bit peculiar - and that’s
okay.”
Gayle Laird, Certified Enneagram teacher & her husband, Tom
offer Enneagram workshops & coaching for individuals & couples. For information
call 403.220.0270 or email info@innerworks.ca ,
www.innerworks.ca |
