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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
Why is marriage a benefit to your health?
It is well documented that people who are happily married live happier,
healthier and wealthier lives. They have fewer psychological and physical
disorders, and have a longer life expectancy. So, why is the divorce rate so
high?
Couples will often leave each other at the darkest moment, just when things
are about to change and the cycle is about to shift. Something is asking to
change in the way the two people are relating, and it is “growth trying to
happen”. It will get better. However, the commitment to stay is necessary in
order to reap the benefits.
In romantic love (the early phase of relationship), the dopamine level in
our brain is high, and we merge and support each other’s world. After the
glow is gone, we think we have married the wrong person, and we decide to
leave. It is at this time that the real work begins! With arising
disillusionment, anger and frustration, our perception of our partner has
changed. We now see that he/she is similar to our caretakers’ negative
traits; the ones that were most influential and often painful.
Unknowingly, your marriage is helping you to heal your unfinished business
that was activated from those early caregivers and previous partners.
However, most of us cannot stand the pain in facing and letting go of our
old survival protective strategies. We continue to avoid, blame, shame,
withdraw, intimidate and criticize our partners in the hopes of getting our
needs met and maintaining a connection.
We need to dissolve the frozen images of our past and learn to stretch and
grow into meeting our partner’s needs. This will activate those parts within
us that were shut down from long ago and help us to reclaim our aliveness.
With tools and awareness, we can now learn to step out of old behaviours and
begin to live and love fully.
Marriage is a ship moving on the river of love banked by the shores of
healing and growth. If you commit long enough to the process, you will
achieve a deeper connection with your partner, yourself and others. It uses
the unfinished past as a map of what you both need to change. Embracing your
partner as your “growth gift” will allow you to open to REAL LOVE -- a major
benefit to your health after all!
Kathleen Cowan is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist who works
with couples & individuals. Book a FREE session with Kathleen or attend an
upcoming “Getting the Love You Want” weekend. Visit
www.theloveofattraction.com for details. |
