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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
My experience is that as my child gets older, parenting is getting
really complicated. The conflicts between us are more frequent and intense.
I’m not sure I have what it takes to continue parenting effectively -
whatever THAT is! Can you help me make sense of this?
Growth happens! Our children change physiologically and psychologically.
Sometimes the changes are gradual enough that we can acclimatize to them. At
other times, it takes us by surprise. One night we are tucking our children
into bed with good night kisses, the next we find ourselves banished from
their rooms, trying to communicate through a locked door! The early teen
years in particular are characterized by sudden and drastic changes that can
knock even the most composed parent off kilter.
Take some time to observe and absorb the new reality that your child’s
growth is presenting. Consider how you would like to quietly and
intentionally mark this transition. Both you and your child are entering new
territory and there is bound to be some “jet lag” to get through. Ask
yourself: What is the most caring thing I can do for myself today? By
comforting and nurturing yourself, you will have what it takes to meet the
challenges of your child’s growth with compassion and fresh energy.
“Effective parenting” flows from a state of inner composure and parental
well being.
Once you feel refreshed you can begin to acquaint yourself with the
realities of your child’s development. Read just enough about this
particular age and stage of growth to gain an appreciation of what is going
on and how you can support your child’s optimal development. Your child’s
growth is an invitation for you to grow also. Resisting will only create
more friction and invite full blown conflict.
Recall what you most admire and appreciate about your child and find simple
ways to express this often. By intentionally strengthening your connection
on a daily basis you will lessen the intensity of distress experienced
during the inevitable storms that come with growing up. And you will have a
much better frame of reference for choosing wise responses to any out of
bounds behaviour.
Finally, be prepared to let go a little more at each stage of growth. Give
up control and opt instead for healthy parental involvement that includes
setting limits and providing loving support to learn to live within those
limits.
For more expert advice on parenting, contact Dulcie Gretton PCI
Certified Parent Coach® at Renewed Parent to set up a free 30 minute trial
coaching session. Call 403.870.2953 & visit
www.renewedparent.ca
to learn more about parent coaching.
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