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You have a very important decision to make about your relationship and feeling angry is just what you need right now! Though most may disagree, anger can be just the right ingredient you need to help you stand up for yourself against your mates abuse. Yes, read this carefully...you are in an abusive relationship! Anger is a normal human emotion and is also a powerful signal telling you that something is wrong and that something needs to change. Don’t feel guilty, embrace this emotion (but please don’t get violent). As women, we need to stop feeling guilty about getting angry. We are less likely to display our anger because we often feel embarrassed about this “healthy” expression. However, suppressing your anger in this situation is very unhealthy, probably the very reason why you are losing control and seeing “red” during your squabbles. You need to allow yourself to release your frustration and resent. Choose to be angry, but more importantly choose how to react, without ignoring your feelings or losing control. Try to remember the first time you truly lost control and went “ballistic”. This can be very difficult as we often “erase” situations like these from our memory, but I can’t stress the importance of this enough. The reason is that this first emotional explosion is the very incident where you “crossed the line” of rational to irrational. This “trauma” made such an impact that you have actually reprogrammed your rationale to believe this type of reaction is okay. Well, it’s not okay! By recognizing what words or “final straw” put you in a state where you started to “fight” back, you can start to reprogram to learn new ways to respond that actually get your point across without compromising the good person you truly are. The next step is to create a “point of retreat” where you stop and walk away. Allow yourself to express your feelings but have a pact with yourself as to when to end it. This can be simply tuning into your body, such as when your stomach tightens up, time to walk away. Or another effective method is to stop once bantering about old situations start to come up in the heated conversation, time to walk away. Stay in control and don’t lower yourself. My final advice however is to end this relationship before becoming violent is a personal comfort zone. For more advice on emotional control from our line-up of Experts, please email experts@risingwomen.com |
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