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OUR EXPERTS...
I am getting very frustrated in my relationship because my partner
will not participate in a serious conversation about our issues. He says
“soulmates don’t fight” and then walks away. What can I do to get him to
listen to me?
The real question here is what is his definition of a “soulmate”? The
dictionary says that a soulmate is “a person with whom one has a strong
affinity; the quality or state of being alike.” This is not to say that a
soulmate is simply found on first contact, where everything stays the same
and you both live happily ever after. Soulmates are “humans” too, meaning
that their state of being evolves with age, environment and life’s wonderful
little curve balls. No person can completely “know” another person when they
first meet. In reality, you can only “assume” there is a deep connection,
but we’ve all experienced what assumptions lead to.
Soulmates are built over a lifetime of love and experience with each other.
The magic of this partnership is developed by working in peace and harmony,
especially through the rough times. Every relationship has its rough
moments, and the key to soulmates is how you both learn to deal with and
surmount these difficulties. So to truly seal the soulmate “rite of passage”
per say, you have to constantly confront each other with open communication
as your relationship matures. This means making a commitment participate, no
matter which direction these discussions lead; may it be in a calm and
passionate manner or through a heated argument.
Your partner needs to recognize that an ideal relationship is one where you
both respect each others individual needs and more so, appreciate how each
other is growing within this powerful partnership. With this trust, it
becomes more effortless and comfortable for both of you to confront any
conflicts that arise. Why not embrace these moments as a means of
strengthening your relationship and your unspoken bond?
To answer your question about getting him to listen to you, forget about
making anybody do anything. At an appropriate, relaxed time, casually say to
him, “Honey, I am experiencing a lot of changes in my life right now and
some things are just not working for me anymore. What things do you think we
need change?” This is a subtle way to open the lines of communication. It
puts you both on equal ground and encourages your partner to answer beyond a
simple “yes” or “no”. He will most likely ask you what you mean. This is
your invitation to express yourself.
For more practical advice on relationship issues, send your questions
to experts@risingwomen.com
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