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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
How does one provide feedback or thoughts while honouring that person
in a close relationship?
Have you ever encountered a situation where someone discloses something
that generates strong emotions or reactions in you and you feel compelled to
respond even though you haven’t asked the individual if you could give
feedback? The question is what steps should one follow to satisfy their need
to provide their feedback?
First of all, we need to ask the person for their permission to give
feedback in conjunction to the disclosure. The reason you ask the person for
their permission to give feedback is that it allows the individual to decide
whether they want to hear that feedback or not. Essentially, it’s their
choice to say “Yes” or “No”. If the person says “No” for whatever reason(s),
then we need to accept and honour their boundary. However if the individual
says “Yes”, we need to deliver feedback that is honest, respectful and
compassionate. So how do we achieve this outcome?
If you can collect and organize your thoughts and deliver a response at the
time of the disclosure that is honest and respectful, that’s great, go for
it. On the other hand, if you need time to sort out what was said and
identify what issues may have been triggered in yourself by this disclosure,
then tell the other individual that you need time to put into words a
response that honours and respects the person and the relationship. By
taking the time to sort out what issues belong to you and what was triggered
in you, it shows that you are accepting and being responsible for your own
issues and that you will not let those issues interfere with the feedback
and the relationship. The response will be cleaner and with less judgment
and resentment. This will enable the relationship to move to a deeper level
of intimacy and promote the growth of each individual. When you are clear
about what you want to say, you can provide the feedback in a honest,
respectful and compassionate manner.
In conclusion, you must choose your words wisely so you don’t harm the other
person’s self-esteem, tarnish your credibility and damage your own personal
integrity. Stay in your own boundary and contribute what this close and
meaningful relationship deserves.
For more practical advice on providing positive feedback, contact Marion
Smith-Olson of Soul Sifting Inc.
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