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 ASK
OUR EXPERTS...
I have too many needy people in my life.
What are my options?
This can be a challenge for all of us occasionally. Sometimes it is hard to
set boundaries. You can choose to simply be too busy, but he drawback to
this is you will never know if you will lose a friendship that is worth
mending. So you really need to examine whether you should invest further
time and effort into this relationship. This issue has two sides. The side
you have control over and the side the other person has control over.
First, let us look at what we have control over: ourselves. We have choices
as to how available we are, the messages we give out and how willing we are
to be truthful with our friends. After all, we teach people how to be in
relationship with us. The best way I have found to deal with needy people is
with self-reflection. Sometimes we have known a friend/associate for a long
time without being honest with them about what we need. We have not taught
them how we wish to be treated or how to be in a relationship together.
Friends can only take advantage of us when we have given them permission and
let them continue on that path.
Can you be honest with what you need? If you can’t, what does this say about
your willingness to take care of yourself? This involves taking risks,
however if you are not honest with yourself you will continue to feel that
you are being taken advantage of. Another possibility is that you are too
busy taking care of everyone else and have stopped taking care of yourself.
Everyone can look needy. If you are running on empty, all your relationships
can be in trouble. At this point you need to resolve what you really need
for yourself.
Secondly, let’s look at the other person. Perhaps they also need to take
better care of themselves. If people are stuck in their problems maybe it is
time to suggest a therapist or coach. When friends fall down, they may not
know how needy they have become. Perhaps it is because no one is willing to
be honest with them. However if they cannot hear you and are angry at the
changes you are suggesting, then its maybe time to let go because you have
no control of that person.
Remember, you have every right to expect compassion, respect and support
from friends.
For more details on this subject, please contact Natashia Halikowski
at 403.830.5424 or email
info@intuitionworks.ca Visit her website at
www.intuitionworks.ca
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