 Relationships
- Exploring Different Heart
Types - Part 2
By Gayle Laird of Innerworks
In the last issue, I described the three Enneagram types that relate to
the world through their body intelligence. We can all access the
intelligence of the body to identify our feelings (e.g., when angry we might
clench our jaw, when fearful our palms might sweat) or tune into our
intuitive (gut) feelings. Body types are not necessarily more adept at these
skills; their defining characteristics are their underlying issues with
anger, the high value they put on getting things done, and their acute
kinesthetic sense.
The heart is where we synthesize the rational power of the brain, the
extraordinary senses of our bodies and our own inner wisdom. We all use our
heart energy to empathize with others, to form intimate relationships, and
to help discriminate what we really want in life. Our hearts know that it
can’t really change people, but that we can learn to accept and tolerate
others and treat them in a gentle, compassionate manner. The heart is more
cooperative than competitive, more hopeful than cynical, and more trusting
than fearful.
Heart types view the world through their values of feelings and
relationships. The heart centre, comprised of Twos, Threes and Fours use
emotional radar to discern their response to situations. Their issue is
image: How do I look? How am I coming across? Do people like me? Heart types
want to be accepted by others. Twos covet applause for their helpfulness,
Threes want credit for their accomplishments and Fours wish to be
acknowledged for their unique contributions. All of these types are adept at
reading the emotional climate in order to maintain connections with others.
They have a vague feeling of being unlovable, so they reach out to be
affirmed by the outside world. Heart types, paradoxically, can be skilled at
picking up on others’ feelings, but be out of touch with their own feelings.
As you read the following descriptions, see if you can identify with any of
these types. Or, perhaps, you can see your partner as one of these types.
Type Two: The Helper (need to be needed) - Twos are the most
interpersonal of the types. They have an acute antenna for other people’s
feelings. They enjoy helping others by doing things for them. They feel
enthusiastic and buoyant in relationships where they feel needed. Sometimes
they can be overly solicitous by giving advice that is not wanted. They have
a lot of pride in their ability to handle their own problems, as well as
deal with others’ difficulties.
Twos will try and manoeuvre others to do what they want through manipulation
(e.g., complaints and guilt). They like to be acknowledged for their help
and can get quite grumpy if people don’t appreciate them for their efforts.
Twos are often not in touch with their own needs; as a result, they have a
hard time asking for help and tend to focus exclusively on their partners.
When they wake up, Twos are appalled at how much of themselves they have
given away. Burned out from the habit of pleasing others, they start
fighting for their freedom. Vulnerable to rejection and loss, because of
dependency on others’ positive regard, they can be great supporters and
mentors who enable their partners to achieve their potential.
Type Three: The Achiever (need to succeed) - Threes are hard workers
with lots of energy to accomplish tasks. They focus their attention on
getting the job done. This preoccupation with work can result in neglect of
personal relationships and feelings. In the midst of an emotional moment,
attention can shift to appointments and work. A winning image is important
to them. They enjoy the material rewards of success, whether it is a new
car, the latest fashions, or a vacation home.
Immune to failure, they regard setbacks as minor inconveniences on the way
to further achievements. In fact, they will lie to themselves and others
about their situation in order to present a successful face to the world.
Overly zealous in seeking recognition, they have a tendency to take all the
credit for a project without acknowledging the contributions of others. This
competitiveness feeds into their overriding ambition to achieve. Confusing
image with substance, Threes can project a lack of depth and integrity. The
rift between their real self and performing self is most pronounced in
intimate relationships. They can pretend to act as an intimate person by
saying and doing the right things and becoming the person they think their
partner wants.
Type Four: The Individualist (need to be special) - Fours live life with
a feeling they are lacking something essential. They long to be fulfilled,
to be completed by this missing piece of their life puzzle, whether it be
the ideal relationship, a more fulfilling job, or a completely different
lifestyle. Desiring significance in their life, they can create symbolic
meaning from their dreams and unconsciousness, as well as many ordinary
events (e.g., personal rituals, signs and omens).
Sensitive to aesthetics, they revel in beautiful surroundings, and are often
creative in the worlds of music, as well as the visual and performing arts.
Masters at identifying and analyzing their own inner emotional landscape,
they enjoy discussing this interior world with others. Although, meaningful
connections with others are highly desired, this closeness seems difficult
to achieve because so few people seem to understand their unique feelings
and perceptions. They have a seduce-reject style of relating: when they fear
being found deficient or losing themselves in a relationship they withdraw.
Then fear of abandonment surfaces and they relate intensely. They
intuitively pick up their partner’s moods and feeling tones, and are able to
support their mates when in pain.
Stay tuned: Next issue - Head Types - Part 3
Gayle Laird, Certified Enneagram teacher & her husband, Tom
offer Enneagram workshops & coaching for individuals & couples. For information
call 403.220.0270 or email info@innerworks.ca ,
www.innerworks.ca |
