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I’m a Perfectionist. Is this healthy or unhealthy?
By Jan Mitchell of Expanding MindsThere are three types of
perfectionism. The healthy perfectionist has an inner drive that compels her
to do her best. The unhealthy perfectionist is driven to do things perfectly
by unseen inner fears from her past. The chronically unhealthy perfectionist
procrastinates, knowing it won’t be good enough. Emotional pain stops her
from doing anything.
A healthy perfectionist gains internal satisfaction from doing her best. She
enjoys seeing the process through and the feelings of doing every detail
well. This positive experience causes her few concerns and benefits her
life.
An unhealthy perfectionist feels she must do everything right. She judges
herself through other peoples impossibly high standards. Nothing is good
enough. Often black and white and in control, she tries to protect herself
emotionally. She can be highly critical of small mistakes. She may do a
great job or be unable to relax, take on too much or have incomplete
projects. She can be hard on relationships because others have to be perfect
too.
The chronically unhealthy perfectionist fears mistakes, failure or
disappointing others. This leads to procrastination, poor performance or
wasted time and energy. She lives with many “should’s and cant’s”, self
judgments, feels unworthy and has secrets of failure. She often worries
about things she said or did, didn’t say or do, and is oversensitive to what
others say and do.
Unhealthy perfectionism can run in families. It comes from an authoritarian
attitude of parents who gave love conditionally, had extremely high
expectations or from constant criticism. The child learned that others
standards were more important than their own standards, thoughts or
feelings. They felt unaccepted and keep trying to gain approval. In
chronically dysfunctional homes, the child learned she could never please.
She stopped trying, thus causing depression, anxiety, under-achievement,
procrastination, fear of failure and never going for dreams.
Solution-based therapy focuses on reprogramming old unconscious beliefs and
fears to positive ones, in turn training one to trust themselves, deal
constructively with criticism, make wise choices and achievable goals.
Healthy or unhealthy, perfectionism can be a driving force to high
achievement. The questions to ask are, “Is this worth it to me? Is it
bringing me pleasure or pain?”
For more advice on perfectionism, contact Jan Mitchell, Master NLP
Counselor, Reiki Master of Expanding Minds at 403.225.2973 or visit
www.expanding-minds.com |
