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OUR EXPERTS...
It’s been months since the guy I thought I would marry broke up with me.
I can’t seem to get over this no matter how hard I try. I keep trying to
figure out where I went wrong. S O S!
By RWM Experts - July/Aug 07First off, you’ve been
“RE-living” this relationship far too long...there I said it, did you hear
me? This is a common reaction derived from trying to figure out exactly what
went wrong; usually blaming yourself with a deluded vision of the actual
fact...it take two to make it or break it! This “over-analysation” is
basically fuelled by the inaccurate belief that if you could just figure out
exactly what “derailed”, then you could let go. What you are doing here is
keeping yourself “hooked on” what “could have been”, which prevents you from
moving on. Reality is that relationships are very volatile life events, and
figuring out the “end” is impossible because although a “relationship” is a
partnership of “two”, both parties are still “individuals”; with very
different morals, values and emotions.
If you keep asking your “brain” to figure out what you did wrong, it’s going
to search for all kinds of reasons, and you are going to wind up feeling
like a failure. As a woman, you must recognize that there are differences
between women and men. This difference (and please understand everyone that
I am speaking in “general” terms here) is that men have a front door and a
back door to their hearts; women lack the benefit of the “back” door, making
“getting over” someone much more difficult. What you need to do is ask your
“Self” if you have handled yourself in a way that honoured your morals,
values and emotions. Did you behave and make choices that allowed you to
“exhale” in that “calm” state we have all experienced in the eye of chaos?
Are you ready to allow yourself to move on? To do this, make a list of all
the things that you have learned from this one relationship that strikes you
as “amazing”; that heart fluttering bliss. And then make a list of what you
have learned that sends your “gut” into a knot. Not an easy task; but one
well worth the challenge if you truly want to heal your pain and move
forward. What went wrong? Not an issue now. What is important is that you
recognize what you want in a relationship and what you will no longer
accept. Your front door is “bliss” and your newly installed “back door” is
your “gut”.
Thank your Ex for your new found strength -- it’s probably not the first
time you despised the “messenger”, now is it? -- and open your front door
for a new, more suited mate that better fits your morals, values and
emotions. Life is too short to “RE-live”, start living!
For more practical advice on relationships, email our panel of Experts
at experts@risingwomen.com
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