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 ASK
OUR EXPERTS...
I have just been married for the second time. I can’t seem to
communicate with my new husband. How can I improve?
It is very common for couples to begin their new relationship not knowing
how to consciously express their truth and core feelings. Past broken
relationships really do impact our communication skills and trust levels
create roadblocks for future happiness. Five of the biggest communication
challenges include:
1) Fear - Many new couples withhold their true feelings because they are
not sure how their partner will react. Can you recognize this fear? Look at
it this way, you have nothing to loose at this stage of the game by
expressing your feelings about something that bothers you. By expressing
your feelings, your partner will open up to express theirs, guaranteed!
Together you will learn each others boundaries and similarities. This is a
good thing!
2) Social Conditioning - This creates communication challenges for each
of us in different ways. One that has vicious impact is the attitude that
relationships don’t last. This “attitude” is very easily instilled in our
subconscious if we have experienced many heartbreaks in our past. This is a
very disempowering belief. If you want a great relationship, don’t buy into
it because this belief will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3) Need to Be “Right” - Whenever you hold on to this need, you are
building walls that prevent open communication. Ask yourself, “Do I need to
be right in this situation or do I really need to be loved?” Try
compromising or let go of situations that begin to drive a wedge between you
and your mate immediately. So what if the toilet seat was left up...who made
up that rule anyways!
4) Listening to Understand - Most people really do listen but they don’t
understand because they are listening from their own agenda. Unless you
listen to other people with the intention to connect and to understand,
there will always be distance and conflict. A great way to truly listen is
to repeat what the other person is saying. For example, “So what you are
trying to tell me is that you are...”
5) Running Away - This is how we typically react to conflict in our
relationships. Unfortunately, when conflict arises, most of us will do
whatever we can to avoid dealing with the issues that are going on. Stop
running and choose to stay present, and agree to heal the difference between
you and your mate with love as your coach.
For more details on this subject or to have your personal questions
answered by a local expert, please email
experts@risingwomen.com
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