 Loving
Relationships -
Creating a Solid Foundation
By Karen Klassen of Imagine SeminarsWhat does
real love look like? The way we act towards other people is a true
expression of how much we love.
The Indian Jesuit, Anthony de Mello tells this story:
The student asks the Master, “What is love?”
“The total absence of fear,” the Master replies.
“What is it that we fear?” the student asks.
“Love,” says the Master.
We first must be clear in our own mind and understand that building a solid
relationship foundation requires the following qualities that express love:
Love is Loyalty - If you are in love it means you look to no
other person to meet your desires. It means you have no longing for another.
Loyalty means you are faithful and devoted to the one you are with in every
way. The moment you find yourself desiring another or taking long looks and
fantasizing, you are no longer in love with your partner and this must be
addressed before your desires turn into action.
Loyalty means saying “no” to all temptation that might hinder your present
bond of love. While you are in relationship you must respect the moment and
open yourself up to your partner’s potential as long as you are together.
This does not mean you must be with someone the rest of your life. If a
relationship threatens or harms you in anyway it is definitely time to move
on. Loyalty is also about being loyal to your own values and respecting your
partner’s values.
Love is Trust - Do you have difficulties trusting others?
Trust issues are based in fear. Every relationship we are involved in allows
us to work on trust. This means communicating with a sense of honour and
integrity. If you avoid your issues associated with trust it will continue
to resurface until you acknowledge it and begin to clear negative belief
patterns associated to your past. Trust in any relationship begins with how
you feel about yourself. Do you trust yourself?
Love is Respect - The quality of respect will always lift a
relationship up. Loving relationships involve a deep level of respect for
yourself and your partner. The best way to respect your relationship is to
never speak negatively about your partner. Some people get caught up in
trashing their mate not realizing the consequences of their actions. Most
people do not realize that the more they talk negatively about their spouse
or partner to others it only creates destructive energy in the relationship.
What happens is your family member or friends now hold a negative image of
your partner in their mind long after the issue has been resolved. If you
need to discuss your relationship concerns respect each other by seeking
professional help.
Love is Appreciation - The true act of giving flows from the
art of appreciation. Women tend to give more in a relationship than men.
Thankfully, that is now changing. Men are ready to appreciate the feminine
and honour the wisdom of women. Women are ready to appreciate the gentleness
that comes from the strength of a real man. The secret every man should know
is that if they give to their companion in a loving way which shows
appreciation, they will receive love ten-fold. For example, if a man
acknowledges his partner in a meaningful way and goes out of his way to help
around the house, their partner is more likely to connect sexually.
Appreciating your partner you transform loveless sex into passionate love
encounters.
Stephanie Dowrick, author of The Universal Heart writes, “we function most
healthy when we feel valued by others and value ourselves. This supports the
development of loving and respectful relationships.”
Love is Integrity - Are you afraid of admitting the truth of
how you feel? What do you perceive happening to you if you do? Learning to
stand in our own vulnerability takes courage and brings incredible strength
to a relationship. Learn to be up front with how you feel, such as, “I am
feeling vulnerable right now or I am feeling stressed about work and I just
need some time to change my thoughts.” When we can communicate honestly with
our partner we open the door for understanding. Bring the gift of integrity
into your relationship by being real with where you are in your own mind
without blaming anyone for your experience.
In changing our ways of being we give more room for love to blossom. The
choices we make strongly impact our lives and the lives of those around us.
Knowing what true love looks like, we can then opt to strengthen these
qualities in our own lives instead of reacting in fear.
You may have been motivated by phantom fear in the past but now you can make
a choice to renew your life, your relationship and begin again. With a
strong foundation you can lift your relationship up into the vibration of
love where loyalty, trust, respect, integrity and appreciation are valued
and communicated. Creating a solid foundation based in love, we must
demonstrate our good intentions with loving action.
If we have a deep desire to experience more in our relationships we must
breathe in the word “change”. People who are less adaptable to change allow
for stagnation to set in which can lead to boredom. Acknowledging where we
are at and taking the steps to change our behaviour we begin to create the
life we long for. Instead of fearing change become a devotee to change. We
live in a fluid world, forever moving, evolving and expressing in new ways.
It means we will not be the same person we are today. It means we must allow
ourselves to expand and evolve our heart and mind. Love breaths life into
our world and life is forever changing. Are you ready to make changes for
the sake of love?
Karen Klassen is The Relationship Coach & facilitator of The Loving
Relationship Workshop. For information, visit
www.imagineseminars.ca or call 403.801.8463. |
