|
RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
What do you think
you will “gain” in your separation or divorce?
That will really depend on where you are at in your relationship. In
general, society promotes the “take the high road” or “Win/Win” approach,
but in reality, life will be different. It may be good, bad or ugly, and
this depends on what side of the fence you are on.
Your expectations will be both realistic and unrealistic. Beware of
unrealistic expectations that prove both frustrating and detrimental. On the
other hand, don’t be naive and be pushed into making premature decisions
when you may indeed deserve a LOT more! Remember too that you now have two
households relying on two separate set of expenses from the same amount
money, so gaining financially is often a misconception. You do need to know
what you own and what you owe.
Most importantly, you need to gain control of your EMOTIONS. You need to
make sure you are WELL. It’s a fact that when emotions are high,
intelligence is low! So needless to say, you will gain nothing if you cannot
control your emotions. I don’t mean suppress them and pretend they do not
exist because they do, and you will need to deal with them sooner than
later. And you may need professional help for this. Please do not be afraid
to reach out for such support.
What you will gain, however, is respect from your friends, family and
especially your children if you leave them out of the details, gossip and
slander. Your children deserve both a mother and a father, unless there are
abuse issues. Once again, put your emotions aside. Cry behind closed doors
if you have to, and understand that just because you may feel devastated,
regardless of a child’s age, they still need both parents.
Be smart about what you fight for! You may think you are gaining the china
or the house, but what do you need to give up? A pension, for example, is
not the same as an RRSP. 50 percent today does not always mean 50 percent
tomorrow! The process of divorce takes a lot of time, stress and money. We
too often see that one party does not have the wherewithal to negotiate,
especially if you were the one in the relationship who did not control the
finances. What you will gain if you have the courage and knowledge is the
power to negotiate. You need to know the rules and “how the game is played”
or you may end up feeling that you have LOST. Get educated! Get help!
For more expert financial divorce advice, contact Wendy Olson-Brodeur
at The Financial Divorce Specialist at 403.398.2466. Visit
www.tfds.ca for
upcoming seminars. |
