|
RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
How do I learn my partner’s “Love
Language”?
Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity to connect with your partner in a
way that says you really love and care about him/her. Have you put some
thought into what your partner might like or do you stop at the traditional
chocolates and flowers? How well do you know your partner? Do you know your
partner’s “love language”? If you don’t, you may be missing the heart of
your partner. Let’s review my relationship as an example.
After taking the “love language” test (by Gary Chapman), I learned that my
top two ways of feeling loved and cared for are with “words of affirmation
and gifts”. Therefore, my partner would be on target if he gave me flowers
and wrote “how much he loved me” in a card.
Now let’s consider him. By reciprocating in a similar manner, would he be
moved and feel loved? No. I would miss the mark completely. He is different
from me (imagine that!) and the test confirms that he has a different love
language! His top two ways of feeling cared for and loved are “sharing
quality time” and “physical touch” (yes, that includes sex). Knowing him as
well as I do, I can then take this information and apply it to our
relationship. Consequently, my Valentine’s gift to him will include a day of
skiing together followed by some romance in the bedroom. Will he feel loved
and cared for? I guarantee it.
I have found that this approach to a relationship can make life a lot
simpler. Rather than guessing what your partner’s love language is, have
your partner take the test at www.5lovelanguages.com. Or just ask him/her to
disclose the different ways that he/she feels loved and cared for. Knowing
your partner’s love language will help you be on target with one another and
keep the romance alive.
In addition, knowing your own love language and conveying that to your
partner is a conscious and intentional way of being in relationship. The
old, immature approach of “he should know what I want” and “I shouldn’t have
to tell him” can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Your partner is
not you and doesn’t read minds. Therefore, take this new step of discovering
each other this Valentine’s Day and open yourself to giving and receiving
the gift of love. Let Cupid’s holiday mark the beginning of experiencing
love to the fullness.
Kathleen Cowan is a certified Imago Relationship therapist who works
with couples & individuals, & offers weekend retreats. Book a FREE session
with Kathleen or attend an upcoming “Getting the Love You Want” weekend.
Visit
www.theloveofattraction.com for details. |
