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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
I heard that there is a difference between listening to someone
communicate and listening to “how” they communicate. Understanding this
would help me in my relationship as my partner and I always argue over
communication issues.
I heard that there is a difference between listening to someone communicate
and listening to “how” they communicate. Understanding this would help me in
my relationship as my partner and I always argue over communication issues.
Two important parts of communication are: (1) what you are talking about
(content), and (2) how language is used to describe your experience through
your senses. Your senses of sight, sound and touch are what is happening
inside your mind/body. How you think about experiences is equally important
as what you talk about.
People think in three main ways: Visual (pictures, sights); Auditory
(thoughts, sounds) and Kinesthetic (touch, body awareness and emotions). NLP
calls this the “vak system”. People use one sense predominantly and have
words that unlock “how” they interpret and experience life. Visual people
are more aware of colors, how things look, see black and white or color
pictures and movies in their mind, and may find it harder to touch on
feelings. Visual words include look, see, clear, blurry, bright, colorful,
reflect, preview, focus. Auditory people interpret the world by hearing,
internal thoughts, tones, words, music and remembered sounds. Auditory words
include say, sound, loud, tone, ring, harmony, ask, listen, discuss, tell,
silence.
There are two types of Kinesthetic people: (a) externally active or
athletic, learn and relate to the world by doing; (b) people who process
through internal feelings, move slower, may feel they don’t fit, get “stuck”
in feelings. Kinesthetic words: touch, handle, contact, push, rub, solid,
warm, cold, rough, sensitive, grasp, smooth.
Problems arise when you and your spouse “speak different sensory language”
even when you have a similar point of view. Stop and think of something you
love. What pictures do you see in your minds eye? What thoughts do you think
and feel? Think of something you don’t like. Notice the difference in
pictures, thoughts and feelings between the two. Is one sense more
predominate than the others?
To build rapport and understand your spouse better: (a) know your own vak
style; (b) listen to your spouses words to identify their vak style; (c)
subtly adjust your words to align with their vak style (don’t repeat their
exact words all the time); (d) communicate their way; (e) listen to the
underlying intention; (f) see it from their perspective.
Jan Mitchell, Master NLP Coach since 1994 specializes in improving
confidence, building relationships & changing limiting beliefs & behaviors.
Call 403.225.2973 or visit
www.expanding-minds.com to learn more about NLP & Jan’s services.
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