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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
My sister has hurt me deeply over the years and is now fighting cancer.
My family thinks I should be there for her. I know she is family, but that
doesn’t change things for me. Should I feel obligated to help her now?
There are many things one might consider in your situation. An important
consideration that often comes up is the issue of obligation. Obligation is
based on the rules and laws of others (often our parents or image-makers we
knew as children). When we act sincerely from our own inner principles, we
are not choosing out of a sense of obligation; we are acting with sincerity
- from an open heart. So - the first thing I might suggest is that a gift
offered out of a sense of obligation will do little to heal your
relationship with your sister or her cancer.
To be clear, I am not saying that reconnecting with your sister is a bad
idea. Each person we cross paths with in life offers us a mirror of our own
strengths, as well as the areas we still need to heal. When someone pushes
our “buttons” or emotional triggers, we see them as tyrants. If only we
could make them stop! What we often don’t realize is our “buttons” are
connected to our own individual psychology. In other words, if your sister
were not around to push your buttons, someone else would.
Think about it. What buttons did your sister push that caused you to
separate from her? If she were not your sister, would the hurt have affected
you as deeply? Are there other people you have met in life that have pushed
the same buttons? How did you respond to them?
In my own life, I have met people who judged me, as my own sister has. I
have walked away from some, got angry with others and entered into
philosophical debate with many. They all offered me the gift of seeing where
I have felt inadequate; where I have judged myself and where I had yet to do
my work to develop my own inner principles.
The bottom line is that this is your journey. We all have our own right
timing and grow in our own ways. You have a unique opportunity to do some
healing with your sister while she is still here. What you choose and are
ready to act on is yours and yours alone.
For more information on how to create healthy relationships with
yourself, life & others, contact Leia Gamache at WhiteFire Coaching at
403.875-7594 or email what.if@shaw.ca
Visit
www.whitefirecoaching.org for details about Leia’s services.
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