|
RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
"I love my partner but I am not in love!” What do I do now?
Do you find yourself thinking this? Would you believe you are not supposed
to be “in love”? The romantic stage has passed. It is meant to be a
transient phase filled with a heightened libido, and a feeling of universal
connectedness. Aided by a chemical cocktail of “love drugs” coursing through
your body, you feel like you could do anything. Your beloved becomes the
image of the one that will magically attune to all of your needs and will
intuitively know what they are. This is the appetizer, not the main event.
It is meant to lure you on the journey to bond and mate, giving you a taste
of what is possible. When this stage passes, many couples think that love is
gone!
In an effort to get back the feeling of magic and aliveness, couples shame,
blame, intimidate attack, coerce, and punish one another or withdraw. These
counter-productive defensive behaviours add fuel to the cycle of pain,
frustration and disillusionment.
The conflict is actually “growth trying to happen”.
Two fundamentally different people are trying to co-exist. Fresh out of
skills and no longer drugged, couples either resign themselves to “this is a
good as it gets” or look for another relationship to recreate the
illusionary aliveness, the dopamine high that they remember. The good news
is that the “struggle” is supposed to end. It is meant to be a stage to be
passed through, not the destination!
Having a road map of where you want to go, and debunking the “happily ever
after myth”, couples can move into the final stage of REAL LOVE. It is in
this stage that true romance exists.
With some new tools, you can move into this exhilarating, joyous stage of
relationship. It is here that couples learn to appreciate and honour their
differences, allowing themselves to re-establish a feeling of closeness and
safety. With a softening of the defensive patterns, couples can eventually
surrender to the fullness of love!
By re-imaging your partner as your ally, not as your enemy, you can begin to
embrace the “conflict as an opportunity” to reconnect with your mate and
co-create a passionate partnership, one that is more fulfilling and alive
than the initial “in-love” romantic stage!
To help you understand that you are with the perfect partner &
re-ignite the love in your relationship, contact Kathleen Cowan, Certified
Imago Relationship Therapist at 403.675.0128. To learn about Kathleen’s
services & couples retreats, visit
www.theloveofattraction.com
|
