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RISING WOMEN EXPERT ADVICE...
Why do I struggle so much with overeating when I am lonely?
It is great that you noticed that those two things are connected for you!
Many people mistake this experience as boredom or physical hunger. We are a
society that holds the notion that food is love. That orientation sets us up
to crave food when we are lonely. We are shown in our families that we are
loved by being given food. We gift people food. Romance usually involves
food. Those things are all great, unless you have a biological, emotional or
psychological issue that causes you to over focus on the food = love
equation. Stress, genetics, trauma and learning can all cause a malfunction
that compels us to value food love over people love.
Studies show that more than 50% of women prefer chocolate to sex! The
relationships we need to have love are not easy to navigate. They are filled
with the possibility of rejection and disappointment. Food is so much
easier. It is a constant, uncomplaining companion. Many of the foods that
are commonly eaten compulsively serve the same purpose as we want people to.
High fat food is comforting and chocolate amuses and enlivens, giving us a
nice rush and glow as well as the sensuousness of consumption. Trouble is
that it eventually turns on us and we find it difficult to break up. Worse
compulsive eating leads to social discomfort and withdrawal, or at least a
feeling of disconnection with ourselves and others if not preventing us from
seeking contact.
Forcing yourself to put down the food and pick up the phone doesn’t
generally work. Finding ways to “feel” instead of “feed” is much more
useful. Therapy, training, self-help books and groups can all be helpful –
TAKEN IN SLOW, SMALL STEPS. You must feel it to heal it, whether it takes a
minute or a month.
Hiding from social contact with food is done for a good reason, the fears
and other feelings are overwhelming, whether we perceive that or not. If you
are eating instead of greeting – you have social discomfort. The causes are
many, but the cure remains the same. Be present and gentle with yourself as
you let these feelings surface.
Begin reconnecting in slow steps and small steps as well with easy
interested contacts; churches, volunteering or self- help groups. Then as
you address your needs for connection, the loneliness that eats at you and
makes you eat, will diminish.
For more advice on addictions to food or to attend related seminars or
teleseminars, contact Nancy Anderson-Dolan of WiseHeart Wellness Services at
403.685.0864.
www.wiseheartweightmastery.com |
