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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
My sensitive son dreads speaking to anyone not in our family. How can I
help him overcome his shyness?
Your son
is likely an introvert; an inborn personality factor. Introverts prefer to
observe, listen and think before speaking or acting. They are sensitive to
outer stimuli, and they easily become overwhelmed. New people are
unpredictable, so expectations are unclear. He would likely prefer to do and
say nothing rather than say something wrong. He could appear paralyzed as he
thinks through various responses. Introverts take a long time to master
small talk. When someone asks, “How are you?” he might think that person
really wants to know. He may not feel authentic saying, “Fine.”
Could the two of you role-play situations before attending them? Model
different responses? He could play someone else, seeing situations through
another person’s eyes. Help him decide what situations need: social rituals,
politeness, banter, or genuine conversation. Use a non-verbal signal or code
for each category. Ask him for examples of how to respond in each case. If
he doesn’t have suggestions, then model a bad response. This can be a lot of
fun!
Enrol your son in sports or community activities that interest him. Give him
many opportunities to meet others. In a new situation, encourage him to
stand or sit with others who are quiet, and just say “Hi.” He can look for
something in common with them. Encourage him to think of questions to ask,
if he really wants to know the answers. Avoid asking questions about
physical appearance, but questions about an item someone is wearing are
usually appreciated. People love to talk about their possessions.
Sometimes it helps to repeat a question. For example, if an aunt asks, “How
do you like your teacher this year?” he could simply repeat her question
then give a short reply like “So so.”
Show him how to listen with interest. Even when one is bored, asking for
more details can lead to information that connects with what one already
knows. This is more interesting for both speaker and listener.
Relax. Give your son time. For everyone, there’s much to be gained by
listening. With practice and non-critical acceptance, your son will share
his story, if he wants to, and should he choose.
For help in addressing your concerns about introverted children,
contact Sharon Montgomery, writer, Healing Touch practitioner & author of
“Your Invisible Bodies” at 403.246.2508 or email
shmontgo@telus.net
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