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 Wonder
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Applying the Breaks when Enough is EnoughBy Adele Alfano If you are like most women, you are trying to keep your head above water in this speed-crazed world, stretched too thin on your time and juggling ten projects at a time. Sound familiar! My best friend Tina and myself have a great joke and we always state we consider ourselves “Wonder Women”, and we add “we look at ourselves and we wonder!” After working a full year non-stop, serving on a board, numerous speaking engagements, co-publishing books and sitting on the organizing committee for a fundraiser, the brakes were applied one weekend a year ago. I came crashing against a brick wall. Believe me, it hurts! Like most women, I ignored the symptoms of stress: sleepless nights, constant exhaustion, daily migraines, a racing heart, back aches and stomach upsets. Stress is common in everyone’s lives and there is no exception to this rule. But sometimes, life has other plans for us. I had to do some serious soul searching about continuing on a volunteer board that was time consuming and fraught with conflicts. When is it a good time to throw in the towel and say “enough is enough”? I have never been a quitter, so would I be considered a coward, a loser, defeatist? If an organization, commitment to a goal or a person is not serving your best interests…when do we make the decision to move on? Here is a few heartfelt observations that I had on that weekend: 1) Admitting “enough is enough”, does not mean you are weak or a selfish person. It does not spell defeat. It is actually more courageous to step down than to get sick over something. Taking back control to yourself and to your health makes you a winner. 2) Consider the other option. We could continue something that is getting us more stressed and sicker or we could step back and take control of our stress levels. When you are making this decision, sit back and consider the other option. Talk it over with an unbiased person who can see the whole picture objectively. You would be surprised to see what they see! 3) Own your own age! Even though I have inherited great genes, and most people mistake me for my early 30’s, the fact is that I am in my mid- 40’s. We and life evolve, and circumstances change and it is important to be honest with ourselves. The energy that we had 10 or 20 years ago is not the same energy level we have today. 4) Life is not about “survival of the fittest”! Life is about balance, and living with honesty and integrity. Working hard to achieve our personal goals or lofty dreams is admirable, but not at the expense of our survival. Life is not about surviving, it is about living. 5) Prevention is better than a cure! My life partner always says this to me (I should listen to him more often)! Be pro-active today, instead of waiting till tomorrow, when the decision is sometimes made for us. There is a great term that young teenagers are using and that is chill-axing! Chill-axing is not about taking up a new hobby, listening to music or reading a book. It is about respecting your basic need for a time of quiet peace and reflection of your thoughts. Simply being quiet, bringing your awareness and focus to your heartbeat, muscles and breath. Not an easy task! 6) Learn to set boundaries. Prioritize your life with what is important and needs attention now. Life is not a contest, but your precious time and health is the prize. It is easy to get so preoccupied with living, thinking, organizing, existing and working that it is easy to disregard one’s need for boundaries and what is truly important. 7) Put your ego aside! In the book The Healing Power of Doing Good by Allan Luks, he saw a clear cause and effect relationship between doing a kind gesture and good health. He claimed by doing a kind deed for someone, we experience a “helpers high”, a rush of euphoria and a release of our body’s natural painkillers: endorphins. This rush is followed by a longer lasting period of improved emotional well-being. I can get hooked on this! 8) When stress becomes toxic! Let’s face it…there is normal stress (paying bills, being at work on time) and there is high-level toxic stress. When the unnecessary stress becomes a pollutant in our personal health system, then drastic measures are needed. You need to tell your body that now is the time to re-balance and connect. By giving your body permission to relax, your mind will follow. As the famous comedienne Lily Tomlin says: “For fast-acting relief, try slowing down!” 9) When you make the decision that feels right in your core, then stick with it. Do not let anyone persuade you. The weight of the world will be lifted from your shoulders. 10) The law of balance states that when you are giving more to something than what you are getting back, then it is time to pack it in. In the end, the scales are never tipped in your favour. Sometimes, undue and unnecessary stress that we put upon ourselves, will dull our gems within. Take a good look at what is important right now and if saying “enough is enough” will help you to sparkle and shine again, then do it! Then you can truly say that you are a wonder(full) woman! Nominated for Canada 100 Most Powerful Women, Canada’s Diamond Coach Adele Alfano is an Award Winning Professional Speaker, Author, Co-Publisher & is renowned as an expert in personal effectiveness & change management. www.AdeleAlfano.com |