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OUR EXPERTS...
I’m going on a first date since ending a 20 year relationship and
don’t know what to talk about. Can you help me?
By Cathy Brewer of Calgary Speed Dating
Let’s start with what not to talk about...
Don’t talk about your ex. Your date may seem sympathetic and attentive but
soon will be wondering how they can end this gracefully. Tell them you have
children, but don’t go on and on about them. There’s plenty of time for
that.
Don’t talk about “what you’re looking for” in a partner. This is a minefield
on the first date. If you’re asked directly, just say something like, “great
relationships start with two people becoming good friends, getting to know
each other, doing things together and going from there.”
Don’t talk about sex. I cannot stress this enough. It just isn’t a good idea
on the first date and don’t get ahead of yourself, like talking about what
you see the two of you doing “next Christmas” (especially if your first date
is in July!). Even if the person is really liking you, you have just scared
them and I can guarantee, there won’t be a second date, let alone any
chestnut roasting.
Don’t dominate the conversation. It is about give and take. If you are
female, try to draw the male into opening up a little. This is a skill that
takes some finesse. Don’t interrogate. Gently ask him questions about
himself and refrain from interrupting. Nerves may make you want to chatter
away, but don’t. It is a turn-off.
If you are male, try not to just sit there like a bump on a log. Open up a
little. You don’t want the woman to go home realizing that, after spending
two hours with you, she doesn’t know anything more about you than she did
before the date started.
Don’t be too judgmental. Sometimes we say stupid things on a first date out
of nerves and our desire to impress. Wait until the second or third date to
see if you misjudged the situation.
What to talk about: Keep the conversation on a light note. Talk about what
you like to do when you’re not working. For example, ask if the other person
likes to travel. If you find that you both have been to the same country,
ask them their perspective on travelling there. This will give you some
great insight into how the two of you might see the world through different
eyes. In short, try to keep things fun. Hopefully the other person will do
likewise.
For more practical advice on dating & relationships, contact Cathy Brewer
at Calgary Speed Dating at 403.219.DATE (3283)
www.calgaryspeeddating.com
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