Getting Rid of Anger - Choosing To Live With Love, Acceptance & Joy
   

Holding on to anger not only ruins our relationships, creates toxicity and debilitating diseases, it also uses a massive amount of energy to hold it in place. It prevents us from moving forward with our life’s mission because it clouds over our spiritual knowing. Most of us do not like to feel angry. So why do we? It is mostly because we don’t know how to effectively release it. We get used to feeling it and learn to live with it. On the other hand, giving up the anger means that we can no longer reap the unconscious secondary gains of reinforcing our “victim mindset” identity and reality.

Physically, performing strenuous daily exercise will help to dissipate some of the anger energy. Remember, you want to put it behind you. So, if you are walking fast, swing your arms a bit, and push the air behind you with each swing, as if you are pushing the angry feelings behind you. Visualize yourself moving through the negative emotions towards the light and love that lie beyond. Do this every day for 30 minutes, for a week, and you will notice a drastic decrease in the amount of anger and hostility that you carry in your heart and in your head.

A way to get some emotional and psychological release is to write a letter. It doesn’t matter if you send the letter or not, your unconscious does not know the difference. The letter is most effective if it covers all the layers of emotions. If you only write about how angry you are, you stay stuck in the anger. The goal is to get down to the forgiveness and love underneath. This is what will give you a sense of relief from the toxic anger.

Here is an example of how an effective anger letter can be written. Angela wrote it to her husband, Scott.

Dear Scott:

(Anger) I think you are such a jerk. You are a self-centered, egotistical, insensitive man. I don’t know how anyone could be like you and exist. You hurt me over and over and over again, but you don’t seem to care. You think the world revolves around you. When you promised me that you wouldn’t stay out late with your buddies again, I actually believed you until you didn’t show up at all last night.

(Hurt) I am so hurt that you would do this to me. I was up all night wondering where you were. I was wondering if you were with someone else.

(Fear) I am so afraid that you will cheat on me or leave me for someone else. I am so afraid of being alone. I am afraid that no one will love me.

(Remorse) I feel such remorse that I put up with your foolishness. I feel so trapped. I wish I were strong enough to leave you.
(What I want) I want to be able to trust you and believe that you will do what you say you are going to do. I want us to discuss this tonight at 8:00 pm. If we cannot come to a resolution on this, we need to think about a separation. Right now, neither one of us is happy.

(Forgiveness and love) Scott, there is a part of you that is very loving, kind and giving. I feel very connected to that part of you. This is the part of you that I fell in love with and married. There is also a part of you that hurts me deeply. It makes me want to get away from you, but this is difficult because I love you. I forgive you for being so insensitive to my needs, however I will not allow you to continue to harm me.                                     Angela

Many people find dealing with anger on a spiritual and energetic level, a little more challenging. Remember, anger is merely energy. Visualize your anger as a big ball of energy outside of yourself with a cord connected to your heart. Get out the scissors and cut the cord, even though you cannot see it. Again, your unconscious mind does not know the difference between reality or vision, so if you cut the cord visually, you are signalling your mind to cut the cord to the anger energy. Watch it melt away.

If you were to pick up a red hot coal by mistake, you would immediately drop it because it hurts you. Anger harms you just as much as holding on to the red hot coal! However, instead of dropping it, many people insist on hanging on to it and holding it even closer to their hearts. It is okay to let go of stuff that is not good for you! Try visualizing dropping the anger just as quickly as you would the red hot coal! Visualization is powerful because it tricks your mind. Test it out for yourself. It works!

Another technique for releasing anger is pretending that the situation was a dream. Have you ever had a dream that made you very angry and you woke up filled with rage, only to realize it was a dream? You immediately let the anger go because there was no need to keep it after you realized it was only a dream. You have the capacity to do the same thing with whatever is in your life that you are angry about. You can trick your mind into thinking that it is only a dream. And in some ways, it was only a dream. If only love is real, everything else is merely an illusion!

Remember, you get to choose whether you want to live your life with anger, resentment, and hurt or to live with peace, love, acceptance, and joy. Which one will you choose?

Dr. Wendy Nickerson, Psy. D., is a Personal Life Coach, Inspirational Speaker & author of Wild Women Never Get the Blues! How to Use Your Intuition to Create Your Best Life. (available at Self Connection Books) Contact Wendy at 321.591.4364 or visit www.drwendynickerson.com