 Getting
Rid of Anger - Choosing To Live With Love, Acceptance
& Joy
By Dr. Wendy Nickerson
Holding on to anger not only ruins our relationships, creates toxicity
and debilitating diseases, it also uses a massive amount of energy to hold
it in place. It prevents us from moving forward with our life’s mission
because it clouds over our spiritual knowing. Most of us do not like to feel
angry. So why do we? It is mostly because we don’t know how to effectively
release it. We get used to feeling it and learn to live with it. On the
other hand, giving up the anger means that we can no longer reap the
unconscious secondary gains of reinforcing our “victim mindset” identity and
reality.
Physically, performing strenuous daily exercise will help to dissipate some
of the anger energy. Remember, you want to put it behind you. So, if you are
walking fast, swing your arms a bit, and push the air behind you with each
swing, as if you are pushing the angry feelings behind you. Visualize
yourself moving through the negative emotions towards the light and love
that lie beyond. Do this every day for 30 minutes, for a week, and you will
notice a drastic decrease in the amount of anger and hostility that you
carry in your heart and in your head.
A way to get some emotional and psychological release is to write a letter.
It doesn’t matter if you send the letter or not, your unconscious does not
know the difference. The letter is most effective if it covers all the
layers of emotions. If you only write about how angry you are, you stay
stuck in the anger. The goal is to get down to the forgiveness and love
underneath. This is what will give you a sense of relief from the toxic
anger.
Here is an example of how an effective anger letter can be written. Angela
wrote it to her husband, Scott.
Dear Scott:
(Anger) I think you are such a jerk. You are a self-centered, egotistical,
insensitive man. I don’t know how anyone could be like you and exist. You
hurt me over and over and over again, but you don’t seem to care. You think
the world revolves around you. When you promised me that you wouldn’t stay
out late with your buddies again, I actually believed you until you didn’t
show up at all last night.
(Hurt) I am so hurt that you would do this to me. I was up all night
wondering where you were. I was wondering if you were with someone else.
(Fear) I am so afraid that you will cheat on me or leave me for someone
else. I am so afraid of being alone. I am afraid that no one will love me.
(Remorse) I feel such remorse that I put up with your foolishness. I feel so
trapped. I wish I were strong enough to leave you.
(What I want) I want to be able to trust you and believe that you will do
what you say you are going to do. I want us to discuss this tonight at 8:00
pm. If we cannot come to a resolution on this, we need to think about a
separation. Right now, neither one of us is happy.
(Forgiveness and love) Scott, there is a part of you that is very loving,
kind and giving. I feel very connected to that part of you. This is the part
of you that I fell in love with and married. There is also a part of you
that hurts me deeply. It makes me want to get away from you, but this is
difficult because I love you. I forgive you for being so insensitive to my
needs, however I will not allow you to continue to harm me.
Angela
Many people find dealing with anger on a spiritual and energetic level, a
little more challenging. Remember, anger is merely energy. Visualize your
anger as a big ball of energy outside of yourself with a cord connected to
your heart. Get out the scissors and cut the cord, even though you cannot
see it. Again, your unconscious mind does not know the difference between
reality or vision, so if you cut the cord visually, you are signalling your
mind to cut the cord to the anger energy. Watch it melt away.
If you were to pick up a red hot coal by mistake, you would immediately drop
it because it hurts you. Anger harms you just as much as holding on to the
red hot coal! However, instead of dropping it, many people insist on hanging
on to it and holding it even closer to their hearts. It is okay to let go of
stuff that is not good for you! Try visualizing dropping the anger just as
quickly as you would the red hot coal! Visualization is powerful because it
tricks your mind. Test it out for yourself. It works!
Another technique for releasing anger is pretending that the situation was a
dream. Have you ever had a dream that made you very angry and you woke up
filled with rage, only to realize it was a dream? You immediately let the
anger go because there was no need to keep it after you realized it was only
a dream. You have the capacity to do the same thing with whatever is in your
life that you are angry about. You can trick your mind into thinking that it
is only a dream. And in some ways, it was only a dream. If only love is
real, everything else is merely an illusion!
Remember, you get to choose whether you want to live your life with anger,
resentment, and hurt or to live with peace, love, acceptance, and joy. Which
one will you choose?
Dr. Wendy Nickerson, Psy. D., is a Personal Life Coach, Inspirational
Speaker & author of Wild Women Never Get the Blues! How to Use Your
Intuition to Create Your Best Life. (available at Self Connection Books)
Contact Wendy at 321.591.4364 or visit
www.drwendynickerson.com |
