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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
Self
Acceptance
- Being Your Own Best Friend
Are you
comparing your “vulnerable inside” self to other peoples “outside self”?
Judging yourself based on your “inner reality” and the “mask” others show
the world? Is your outside self only a “shell of who you really are”? If
it’s painful to keep “pretending” to be who others think you “should” be,
then it’s time to become your own best friend.
Befriending yourself brings balance, happiness and greater confidence to
your life. Being your own best friend, is a process of finding out who you
are not; then discovering who you are, followed by self acceptance and self
love.
I began a wonderful journey to discover who I was and who I was becoming
when I was 19 years old. I was lost and hated myself. I believed I was
wrong, ugly, stupid, unlovable and undeserving. My goals and dreams were
unrealistic, crazy, selfish and unachievable. At times, the journey has
seemed scary, difficult and unreasonable.
Yet, it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
I discovered that I had been following other peoples should(s), can’t(s) and
don’t(s). For example, I felt guilty because I wasn’t washing all the walls
in my home, top to bottom, twice a year. I didn’t want to wash the walls,
didn’t think it necessary. I worked full time and had children who were
involved with many activities, but I still felt guilty for not doing it.
During the following exercise, I was surprised to hear my mother’s voice in
my mind, telling me all the things I “should” do. This awareness allowed me
to choose what was important. I let go of things that caused me pain and
embraced others that would benefit me.
Exercise: How many should(s), can’t (s) and don’t (s) do you have in your
life? In your notebook, divide a page into three columns. In the first
column, list all you “should” do, have or be. Go over each “should” and ask
yourself “Who says so?” Write your answer in the second column. Then ask
yourself if you want this “should” in your life, and write your answer in
the third column. Continue this process with can’t (s) and don’t (s). Draw a
line through those that you need to let go of. Circle what would benefit
your life and transfer these to a new sheet of paper to keep. Choose one or
two things that you want to focus on and begin to integrate them into your
life.
The following exercise helped me find out what I wanted in life and who I
wanted to become. I named who I wanted to become, “Super Woman Angel”. I
defined who she was and what she believed in. She had many wonderful
qualities and flew around the world helping people.
My list of “Super Woman Angel’s” qualities started a dream, that I didn’t
believe I’d achieve. I surpassed that dream many years ago, although I don’t
have wings to fly yet!
Exercise: To get to know and appreciate your “unique inner self” answer the
following questions in your notebook: What are your strengths? What have you
done well or accomplished? What has made you happiest through your life?
What feeds your soul? What do you love? Who do you love? What are your
values, for yourself, others? What are your Blessings? Who are you today?
What are your gifts to the world? Who are you becoming?
In the past, when I received compliments I didn’t believe them. I didn’t see
the qualities in myself that others saw. I was aware that when I
complemented others. I was totally sincere. I saw the beauty within them,
even when they didn’t. This helped me realize that when others complimented
me, they saw these qualities in me.
Exercise: Do you hear compliments when they are given to you? Do you believe
them or shrug them off? What do you think when someone complements you? Are
they lying or do they want something from you? When you compliment others,
do you mean it? Think about the compliments you have received over time,
from friends, family, coworkers, etc. Get some 3x 5 cards and write down the
great things people have said about you, your work, etc. Keep them close to
read during the week. This is beginning to see in yourself, the good others
already experience. Focus on your good qualities.
How much time do you spend daily doing what you love? How would your life be
different if you did more things you enjoy?
If you accepted yourself, what would you see, hear and feel in your life?
Write down a picture of your ideal future. What can you begin to change
today, to create that future?
I used to hate myself. I tried to look in the mirror and say the words “I
loved me”, but couldn’t. So I began to say “I like myself” (even that was
hard). Overtime, I adapted it to “I love and accept myself just as I am and
I am willing to change.” To me, loving and accepting myself means accepting
all of me, being “OK” with the me who still doubts herself and gets grumpy.
I now accept what I am uncomfortable with, recognize these as old patterns
and that I am so much more than the old patterns. Accepting myself means I
am willing to change, grow and be different tomorrow and next year. My life
is a wonderful journey!
Practice focussing on the positive, your strengths, self acceptance and self
love when times are good. When times are tough, be gentle with yourself and
read again all the good things you wrote about yourself. Remember, this too
shall pass and life is a journey.
Jan Mitchell, Master NLP Therapist, combines visualization, Hypnosis,
Spiritual Healing & Reiki to empower you in your personal life, career,
relationships & spirituality. 403.225.2973.
www.expanding-minds.com
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