 Challenging
Customers - Setting Healthy Boundaries
By Betty Connelly of Alcyone Presentations
Dealing with challenging customers can leave you drained and upset, and
wondering why the encounter went the way it did. It can also leave you feeling out of
control and angry about the lack of respect inherent in such a situation.
It is possible to deal with customers in a way that keeps your sense of
personal power and dignity intact.
Let’s look at the reasons that challenging customers act the way
they do:
•Loss of personal power -- many people feel they have no personal
power, so they need to show they are in control.
•Need to maintain self esteem -- customers are often trying to
save face, or salvage their ego in a difficult situation.
•Fear -- some people have a strong fear of being taken advantage
of or of seeming weak to others.
•Attention seeking -- some customers need to be the center of
attention at all times.
•Displaced anger -- outside factors trigger reactions that are
beyond reason relative to what’s happening in the moment.
•Expectations -- people often have expectations that they will be
treated badly, and so begin to act defensively immediately.
•Other causes -- some people are influenced by alcohol or drugs,
by hunger, by pain or psychological disorders.
In the face of all this, how do you deal with a challenging customer?
The first step in defusing any situation is to always appear calm to a customer, no matter
what is said.
In any given situation, and this applies to all aspects of life, there
is a balance of power. It has nothing to do with size or gender or money or anything
except a person’s inner calmness. You keep that balance of power as long as you
don’t take anything personally. It is important to look past the personal attack to
find out if the person has a genuine complaint that needs to be taken care of. If so, you
will find that your calmness in dealing with such situations will normally defuse any
anger. You will also find that the longer you are able to practice not reacting to people,
the fewer challenges will come your way. Your calmness will be contagious.
Your goal is to always stay in control of yourself and the situation.
You need to let insults bounce off you. What others say about you says more about them
than about you. The minute you let the other person upset you, even a little, you have
given up your personal power. You’ve been baited. To quote Michael J. Fox,
“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it cannot be
taken away unless it is surrendered.”
I’ll give you an example. I was a flight attendant for nearly 30
years, and passengers were always calling us names, as if it were our fault that the
flight was delayed or their baggage was lost. Their comments were not personal, and I knew
that. Those passengers did not know me, nor did I know them. I didn’t care about
their opinion of me, and I kept control of each situation by not reacting to the comments.
The comments would normally stop when the passengers realized they weren’t affecting
me.
None of this means you should not have boundaries. I personally do not
accept swearing. I tell customers politely that their language is unacceptable and
I’ll be happy to listen to them if they stop swearing. I have never had anyone keep
swearing after that. It is also not okay for someone to touch you; for example by grabbing
your arm. You can look the person right in the eye and say “please don’t touch
me” very calmly, and people will normally back off. Most people are aware that
continuing to touch could possibly result in an assault charge.
At the end of any encounter, assuming it hasn’t gotten out of
control, the professional always acts as if the incident never happened. It is helpful to
debrief with a colleague (after the customer is gone) so that you can discuss how you
handled the situation and what you might do differently next time.
Once you have mastered the art of
depersonalizing all encounters, you will end each work day with your personal power and
dignity intact.
Betty Connelly, President & Founder of Alcyone
Presentations, is an expert in Creating Safe Environments through speaking, facilitating
& presenting. Call 403.229.2750 or visit www.alcyonepresentations.com |
