 BREAST FEEDING - THOUGHTS FROM THE
OTHER SIDE
By Debi Stagg
I can't believe it. I am well beyond the breast-feeding/ bottle-feeding
stage with my kids, but somehow those old feelings keep creeping back. Guilt, shame,
anxiety. Friends and others talk about how wonderful it is to breast-feed their new
babies; how close it makes them feel to their child. How good it makes them feel to know
that they are doing the best thing they can for their new babies. And how good it feels to
have society smile down on them with approval. Each time I held one
of my newborn sons in my arms I felt over-whelmed. And even now when I have to give my
sons medical history to nurses, dentist, pharmacists, even women I meet at Safeway, I hear
those old statements again: "Breast is best..." "You should have breast-fed
your child, now he will have low immunity..." or "Don't worry about your child.
Bottle-fed babies are always smaller then breast-fed ones..." And my personal
favorite, "A bottle-fed child will develop slower mentally." My God! What have I
done! I bottle-fed my children, and according to society I have committed a heinous crime!
Quick, someone lock me up for feeding my kids!
I'm not denying that breast milk is the best thing for newborns. I'm
not denying what the medical community, television, and your neighbor is saying is not
true. I'm not a doctor, just a mom. I tried very hard with both my children to
breast-feed, but I couldn't do it. I agonized over this. I cried. I got mad. I drove my
husband insane. I hated the idea of breast-feeding. I hated myself because in society's
eye, I was inadequate as a mother. "It's so easy. Any mother can do it...", some
nurse told me. She was wrong.
I talked to breast-feeding support groups. I had several nurses coach me on
technique. I tried every position except standing on my head. I began to think there was
not one person in Calgary who hasn't seen my breasts. In the end it was the same thing:
Humiliation!
All my friends breast-fed their kids. All the nurses at the health
clinics insisted I keep trying. Magazines and T.V. sprouted damnation if I didn't. But I
couldn't. I was exhausted and the end of my rope. My husband was ready to leave me. And my
kids were starving. The only option I had was the bottle. Finally, my kids were eating,
growing, and had stopped crying. Finally, I could relax, get some sleep, and stop crying
myself.
Still, every time I took my kids for their shots and check-ups, I got
the same dis-approving look. The public looked down on me when I brought out a bottle (and
you thought there was only a ruckus when mothers breast-fed in public!) Once, I even had a
woman come up to me and tell me the wrong I was doing to my child.
STOP! This shouldn't be happening! The decision was hard enough without
everyone interfering. Why was there so much support for breast-feeding moms; La Leche
League, public nurses, clinics, T.V., magazines, internet, etc., but nothing for me? There
was no one for me to call when I felt lower then a flea. There was no one for me to talk
to about which brand of formula was best. There was no one for me to ask for help. No, I
am being hasty. There were four people in my life who supported me; my husband, my doctor,
and my two sons. I guess these really are the only people who count. I should have been
able to block out everyone else. But it is hard when it is being shoved down your throat.
Now, three years later, my kids are just as smart and active as any
other. Sure, they get sick once in a while, what kid doesn't? Yes, they are a little
short, but so am I. You couldn't tell them from any other child their age.
It isn't the end of the world if you need to bottle-feed your kids.
Your child
isn't going to sprout two heads and grow scales. Do what is best for your baby. Do what is
best for YOU. Don't feel bad. There are mothers out there who know what you are going
though.
Maybe we should start our own support group......?
Debi Stagg email: staggcan@telusplanet.net |
