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RISING WOMEN EXPERT
ADVICE...
The
Wisdom of Failure
Failure is an action, not an identity. It is not who we are. It is an
event or situation, or it is related to a choice we had made. Yet, most of
us, at some point in our lives, have worn failure as an identity. In these
situations, we have difficulty separating ourselves from the event or
situation. We wear failure like a cloak. It brings up all kinds of emotions:
anger, guilt, regret, remorse, sadness, or a sense of having let others (or
ourselves) down. It can be overwhelming at times if we lose our sense of
self in the failure. Most of us don’t reside there all the time. Failure, as
an identity, crops up periodically, in our quiet times, the middle of the
night, or when we least expect it. Failure can haunt us until we finally
reach a point of letting it go.
In order to let it go, we need to be able to separate our sense of self
from the actions or choices that led to the failure. My partner is fond of saying,
“There is no failure; only feedback.” How do we turn failure into feedback?
The first thing we need to do is step back from the failure so we can
get a different perspective of it. We need to review it almost as if it had happened to
someone else. What happened? What led to what happened? What decisions were made? Based on
what information? Did we pay attention to all the information - the analytical,
intellectual and the intuitive or gut reactions?
Often failures occur when we push forward with something despite a
feeling or sense warning us against it. How often were decisions or information
rationalized to make them acceptable? Have you ever said to yourself afterwards, “I
knew I shouldn’t have done that”?
Failures provide valuable information. They help us know when
we’re off course or when we’re not paying attention to something in our
environment. Sometimes they lead us in a direction we hadn’t previously anticipated.
In both business and personal circumstances, failure has been known to lead to big
breakthroughs. The classic business example is 3M’s Post-It Notes, now an institution
in both home and office. Someone recognized the opportunity in a product
‘failure’ (a glue that didn’t stick things together), and created a new
revenue stream for 3M and a new way of drawing attention to things. How did we manage
information before Post-It Notes?
Another great story is the invention of the light bulb. It took Thomas
Edison 10,000 tries to get it right. Halfway through the process, a reporter asked Edison
how could he keep going when he had failed 5,000 times. He replied, “I haven’t
failed 5,000 times; I’ve successfully discovered 5,000 ways that don’t
work!” Undoubtedly, the feedback from these experiments was beneficial to his other
experiments as well.
Innovative businesses cultivate an environment where making mistakes is
not only acceptable, but recognized as a valuable part of the innovation process. Mistakes
only become failures when they are not learned from.
Most people who have experienced failure personally as with a job loss
or marriage breakdown, will often comment that, in retrospect, it was the best thing that
had ever happened to them. They went on to find a better job or start their own business,
find a better relationship, or find peace within themselves. A lot of times people will
comment that they should have made the ‘mistake’ a long time ago. In fact, in
many instances they knew they should have moved on long before the failure
‘happened’ to them.
Some people will experience repeated failures. The failure identity
cloak often grows bigger and heavier when this happens. Perhaps it is something obvious
like repeated inappropriate relationship choices or recreating bad job situations despite
changing jobs several times. This usually means they haven’t learned from the failure
experience and it will keep recreating itself. The first time a failure happens, it may
throw us off balance a bit. If we don’t make the proper adjustments, the next one
will throw us off balance even more, until we eventually reach the point where we are
knocked off our feet - or worse. If you find yourself in this situation, look for the
patterns. What’s the same about this situation as the last one, or the one before
that?
Sometimes patterns emerge because there are choices we need to make
that we’re afraid to look at. They seem risky, involve other people, or they just
plain pull us out of our familiar zone. In a job situation, maybe we are being called to
go back to school, change professions or branch out on our own. Difficult to do when we
rely on a steady income or derive a sense of who we are from our job role. In a
relationship situation, we may need to change something about ourselves to make a
relationship work or attract a more suitable partner, or we may need to leave a
relationship. Again, this is daunting, particularly if we have adopted failure as an
identity rather than seeing it as an action, situation or event.
We wouldn’t be who we are today without our failure experiences.
They help define us; sometimes they show us exactly what we’re made of. We must make
the best decisions we can, with the knowledge, resources and self-awareness we have
available to us at the time. It’s easy to see, with 20/20 hindsight, that maybe we
should have done something differently. The question now becomes: what do you do with the
20/20 hindsight to change patterns or increase your knowledge going forward so that
failure becomes the wisdom from which you grow and create success?
Kathy Jourdain is a Purpose & Leadership coach with
Chrysalis Performance Strategies Inc. Chrysalis’ focus on innovation & relevance
leads to lasting results for clients. Kathy can be reached at 902.865.7076 or through the
web site at www.TeamChrysalis.com
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