 Inner
Friendships - Being Your
Own Best Friend
By Noga Liron of HOPE Learning Systems
Imagine having a friend in your life that criticizes or puts you
down often, even telling you that you are not good enough in some way. Imagine that this
friend has the tendency to put you last on her priority list and does not consistently
keep promises and agreements made to you. Continue to imagine…that this friend does
not listen much to you or bother to take the time to understand or get to know you better.
Also, this friend does not show much compassion or support towards you even in difficult
times. Would you feel good about who you are being around such a person? How would you
react? Chances are that you would feel hurt and not want to be in his or her company very
often...or even at all.
Yet, how many times have we treated ourselves like this so-called
“friend”? How many times have we criticized and said things to ourselves that we
would not dare say to someone else? How often have we told ourselves that we are not good
enough in some way or that what we needed or wanted was not too important? How many times
have we come down hard on ourselves instead of showing the same warmth and compassion that
we would for someone we cared about? What kind of names do we silently call ourselves when
we have not measured up to our expectations? How often have we held ourselves back with
doubts and negativity instead of being motivating and encouraging?
How is the relationship you currently have with yourself? At first
glance, this looks like a pretty strange question to ask. However, it is actually a vital
question to ask our selves on a regular basis. One of the key elements to living life with
an enduring sense of happiness is having a healthy ‘sense of self’. Our sense of
self includes: the worth we feel, what we value, what we want, our passions and joys, our
boundaries and the way we self care and treat ourselves…basically the kind of
relationship that we have with ourselves. We spend a lot of time thinking about and
working on other significant relationships in our lives: with spouses, business
associates, children, friends, co-workers and other family members. We put time and energy
into these relationships. We try to understand, try to make improvements and try to make
others feel better. But how much time and energy do we actually spend on getting to know
and befriending ourselves?
For many of us, the pace of life is busy and a real juggling act some
days. We seem to keep distracted and focused outside of ourselves with work, family,
friends, obligations, TV, radio, telephone... and the list goes on! Sometimes it seems
that we barely have time for all the responsibilities, never mind the “bonding”
time with ourselves. Also, we may feel that taking time for ourselves is selfish and
should be taken only after all other tasks and responsibilities are done. The truth is
that we are much happier, joyful, energetic, loving and productive people when we are
happier and at peace with ourselves. We have more to give and offer in general when we
have a healthy relationship with ourselves, when we are “our own best friends”.
So how do we become our own best friend? We do that by slowing down,
taking quiet time to reflect and getting to know ourselves. We need to discover what truly
brings us joy, what we are passionate about, and what small or large dreams we have. We
need to learn, grow and discover all that we are. We need to have more fun, try new
things, and access our creative sides more often. We need to speak kindly to ourselves,
having our “inner friend” contain messages of compassion, encouragement, and
belief. We need to make sure that we keep agreements and promises made to ourselves.
Self-care (physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological) or
actions that promote health and nurturance are also keys to a quality friendship with our
selves. It may also help to spend time with people who help us feel good about who we are
or encourage us to bring out parts of ourselves that we like. What kind of a relationship
would you like to develop with yourself? How will you treat yourself more like the special
friend that you are?
Noga Liron is a Psychologist & Life Coach who helps
people that are ready and willing create more happiness in their lives. Contact HOPE
Learning Systems 780.438.3976 ext. 109 or visit www.nogaliron.com |
