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| Lifestyle |
 Unsilencing
Emotional AbuseBy Eileen Ackerman Emotional abuse is the silent victimization of one's mind, body and spirit. Silence allows this crushing condition to erode one's self-worth, self-esteem and character. Victims seldom realize what is happening to them, and few seek help, believing they deserve and are the cause of the abuse they are subject to. When you have been emotionally abused as a child, you think all children are treated this way. You accept the hurt because, as a child, one is not competent in rationalizing what is happening to you. The emotional pain usually is administered in doses by a loved family member, friend or acquaintance. As a child, you may tell someone you trust, only to find no one believes you. The emotions go underground and soon disturbing traits surface; stuttering, bed wetting, eating disorders, withdrawal to a fantasy world where your secret and tears are safe. Silence is the breeding ground for pretending everything is alright when the opposite is true. Behaviour changes, such as mood fluctuation, sulking, temper outbursts, all signal problems in a child's life but few parents pick up on these signals. Discuss your concern privately with the child. Encourage the child to talk about their feelings and who it is that makes them feel unhappy and listen without interruption. A child is not a dumb kid, a child is a unique individual and has a right to air their opinion, their point of view and share their pain. Emotionally abused children grow up to be emotionally abused teenagers leading to emotionally abusive adults. Where does this cycle end? We are in a society that shelters what we are afraid no one will understand. Abusers feed on this fear in their need for control. No one needs to become a victim of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be administered in subtle ways, such as verbal comments about ones weight, size, hair loss or intelligence can be painful to an insecure person who struggles with self worth. Twenty years ago, the term emotional abuse was not coined. Today, there is a booming business in self help services for stress, dissolving relationships, fragmented family values and pain. There is a connection between emotional abuse and hypertension, eating disorders, ulcers, sleep disorders and countless other heath related problems. We gloss over our symptoms in search of emotional relief but what do we do about the cause? The cause must be addressed, dealt with and understood. To date, we as members of society, have a poor track record for giving support through listening, love and caring. Emotional abuse will continue as we seek gratification at the expense of those who haven't the strong personality to make their needs known, remove abuses from their space and to love themselves. An abuser is a jerk who emotionally touches your sensitive chords. Make a pledge to yourself, "No one will emotionally invade my privacy again!" Reinforce this thought daily. "To heal, one must recognize the cause, your weakness and direct energy to heal thyself. Abusers need to screen themselves in the same way. Their weakness is their need for control, which will ultimately destroy you. Bullies were not born, they are allowed to manipulate, control and destroy to gain respect only they feel. We are not silent victims unless we choose to be." Eileen Ackerman has been addressing the subject of abuse as a public speaker for 4 years. As a victim of emotional abuse herself, Eileen has regained her self-worth and self-esteem and lives a rich fulfilled life. |