 Emotional
Intelligence - Happiness & Optimism - Part 5
By Cheryl Bakke Martin of Inspirations Unlimited
In this final segment on Emotional Intelligence, we will
look at two of the most sought after conditions: happiness and optimism. I often ponder
the question: why do some people naturally have the tendency to be happy and optimistic
(see the ‘glass half full’), while others consistently experience the opposite
(’glass half empty’), and consequently are on a relentless pursuit to find
happiness? These two aspects, considered your general mood, are not a destination but
rather a state of mind or a way of being. As can be expected, your professional
performance and the level of success you experience are directly affected by your general
mood.
Does this mean that if your glass seems half empty that you are doomed
to a life of unhappiness? Absolutely not! The power to choose our responses to life cannot
be taken away from us. What it means is that we need some practice to learn a new way of
seeing things. Old habits need to be let go and replaced with new thought patterns that
are positive and supportive. Here are some steps that can help develop this perspective.
•Become Aware. Notice what grabs your
attention. Do you gravitate to stories about “what is wrong with…?” Are you
busy sharing negative information? Become aware of where your attention rests and what
stance you take. For one whole day take note of your perspective without judgment. It took
a long time to adopt this frame of mind, and it will take practice to change it.
•Acceptance. We are all exactly where we
need to be in our personal journey. When we are able to recognize that everything happens
for a reason, we can look for the lesson in any given situation. Accepting where we are
allows us to use the situation as a springboard for personal growth.
•Examine Our Position. As you pay
attention to your responses, consider the following: what are your opinions about
yourself, others, and the world? Are they about hate or love? Are they supportive or
destructive? Do they bring you closer to people or keep you at a distance? What are your
expectations of yourself and others? Are they realistic and understanding? Do they allow
for the learning that mistakes bring? Examining the ways we respond and evaluate gives us
the opportunity to choose differently if what we find is not supportive of others and
ourselves.
•Reframe Our Point of View. In any situation, what
we choose to focus on has a direct impact on our experience. Once you are aware of your
natural attitudes, expectations and judgments, you can choose to refocus if necessary.
Looking at your answers to the prior questions, ask yourself what are the alternatives?
How else could you respond? Do you understand all circumstances surrounding the action or
behavior of the other person? In what ways can you reframe your experiences to look for,
find and understand the goodness in each encounter? Post reminders around the house if
this will help you make the shift. The mirror where you first look each morning is a great
place for this.
•Seek Opportunities. When we can see the
lessons we are offered in life and learn from them, we are able to grow and move forward.
Know what is important to you in your life, where you want to go, and what you need to
change along the way to create a vision. When an opportunity presents itself as you move
toward your vision, seize it! You may feel fearful and uncertain - go for it anyway. I
love Henry Ford’s words: “If you think you can, or you think you can’t,
you’re right!” It is true; anything is possible for those who believe. (And for
those who forge ahead even on days when they have trouble believing.)
•Enjoy Now. Life is about the journey, not the
destination. Goals and dreams give us something to work towards, but the present day
remains the greatest gift. What we do with it, how we approach it, is what makes life
enjoyable. Be fully present in every activity and every personal encounter you experience
each day.
The wonderful reality of Emotional Intelligence
is that it can be improved even late in life. Consciously developing these cognitive
skills allows us to create success, as we uniquely define it, in all aspects of our lives.
Cheryl Bakke Martin, owner of Inspirations
Unlimited, is
a personal coach, speaker & facilitator. If you are in a place where you want to take
your business to the next level & would like consult with a coach, Cheryl invites you
to a free consultation. 403.948.1078 - www.inspirations.ab.ca |
