 Emotional
Intelligence
- Richness to Relationships -
Part 3
By Cheryl Bakke Martin of Inspirations Unlimited
The interpersonal realm of emotional intelligence is the focus of the third part in
this series, and we will look at empathy, social responsibility, and interpersonal
relationships.
Our relationships are central to our lives, both personally and
professionally. In every interaction with someone, we are exercising our interpersonal
skills. Our ability to establish and maintain positive relationships is dependent on these
skills. Whether we are in a leadership role motivating our staff, a parent encouraging a
child, or a customer wanting to return an item, the degree of success we experience in
each of these areas is directly related to what has become known as our ‘people
skills.’ Those who function well in this area tend to be responsible and dependable.
They understand, interact with, and relate well to others in a variety of situations. They
inspire, trust and function well as part of a team. (1)
Having empathy means that we are aware of and are able to relate to and
understand the emotions, thoughts and feelings of others. We can tune in to their
perspective and show care and concern for them. When others feel that you are in tune with
them, they feel validated and the emotional connection is strengthened. They are then more
likely to work with you rather than against you. Being empathic requires that you first be
aware of your own emotions in the situation and put them on hold in order to be able to
focus on the other’s perspective. My son reminds me of this on occasion, quoting
Blue’s Clues, he tells me, “Stop, Breathe and Think.” This is exactly the
kind of process that can help us keep our own feelings in check and be available to
inquire about the other person’s experience. If you are truly able to grasp what
another person is thinking and feeling even when their perspective may be completely
contrary to your own, and then put your understanding into words, the other person feels
validated. This will often ease any tension in the situation and creates an environment of
collaboration.
Some questions/suggestions to consider: Do you take the time to truly
listen to others? Do you accurately understand what they are saying before you respond?
Ask a friend how they feel about any given subject. Then describe your version of what
they think and feel. Check with them to see how accurate (or inaccurate) you were.
Social responsibility is about demonstrating your ability to be a
cooperative, constructive and contributing member of any group. Being sensitive, accepting
others, using your talents for the good of all, acting with social consciousness, and
upholding social rules are all components of this category of emotional intelligence. The
successful result is integrating yourself into the community, and having a desire and
willingness to further the betterment of the world around you. Caring about and sharing
with others gives real meaning to your life and your success.
Have you recently helped someone? Can you give
examples of when you were sensitive to the needs of co-workers, friends, or family? What
did you do? A way to start increasing your social responsibility is to write down three
worthy causes, charities or non-profit organizations you are aware of. For each, think of
one important thing other than donating money that you could do for them. Select one item
you can act on now and follow through with it. One of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo
Emerson, says it succinctly in the statement; “Happiness is a perfume which you
cannot pour on someone without getting some on yourself.”
Success in interpersonal relationships is
characterized by the desire to establish friendly relations with others and the ability to
have positive expectations of such relationships. We all know someone who genuinely likes
people. Their enjoyment and interest in others is evident and infectious; people feel good
around them. For many, cultivating good relationships with others is necessary and
expected in their professional roles. It is not, however, easy for everyone. Developing
social skills will make a positive difference. These skills include being aware of the
social environment, understanding the appropriate time to approach someone, and the
appropriate topic of conversation. Also included are good listening skills, presentation
skills and comfort speaking with groups of people.
“There are very few, if any, successful hermits. Part of success
is the ability to cultivate and develop meaningful relationships with others. Close
interpersonal relationships add to the richness of life and provide valuable support in
times of need.” (2)
1, 2 S.J. Stein & H.E. Book, The EQ Edge (Stoddart Publishing,
2000)
Cheryl Bakke Martin, owner of Inspirations
Unlimited, is
a personal coach, speaker & facilitator. If you are in a place where you want to take
your business to the next level & would like consult with a coach, Cheryl invites you
to a free consultation. 403.948.1078 - www.inspirations.ab.ca |
