 Emotional
Intelligence
- Introspection - Part 2
By Cheryl Bakke Martin of Inspirations Unlimited
In this second article in the series on Emotional Intelligence, we look at
developing the ‘Intrapersonal Realm’.
Emotional Intelligence theory makes it clear that we must take
responsibility for our emotions if we are to be happy. An extremely practical application
of this concept relates to setting and achieving our goals. A first step in knowing where
you want to go or what you want to achieve, is in understanding yourself. Few of us have
taken the time to adequately develop our intrapersonal relationship. We are often much
more concerned with the interpersonal relationships with those outside of ourselves.
An example is a client of mine who struggled with one unsatisfactory
relationship after another. Upon examination it became clear that he was not even certain
what he wanted in a partner or what was most important to him in life. He would become
strongly influenced by the person he was involved with at any given time. As might be
expected, he had not had a period in his life when he lived independently or had cause to
spend time in deep reflection; searching for his own definition of a meaningful and
fulfilling life. He was often confused and frustrated as a result. Time spent alone
reflecting is now helping him gain clarity in order to make appropriate change and move
forward.
Similarly, when dealing with a career transition, the very first
activity to engage in is a thorough examination of the self. It goes beyond an inventory
of strengths and weaknesses to include questions such as: What have I learned about me?
What do I feel strongly about and why? What activities do I enjoy that cause me to lose
all track of time? What do I believe in? What beliefs might be unrealistic? What are my
values? Which values or beliefs have brought me unhappiness? What feelings would I like
more of? What feelings would I like less of? How have I blocked my own happiness in the
past? What brings me the most joy?
Besides such reflective thought, it helps to listen and learn as you go
through each day. Listen to your feelings and the messages they are trying to send you.
Let your feelings teach you about your fears, desires, needs, values, and beliefs. As you
learn about yourself, in other words, as your self-awareness rises, you will experience
the following positive results:
•You will learn to set goals that motivate you;
•You will make better decisions with fewer mistakes;
•You will learn to calm yourself and keep focused.
As your self-awareness rises you will learn to identify your specific
negative emotions. Once you develop the habit of looking for the informational value in
your emotions, you will discover it has much to teach you about yourself. Searching for
the hidden lesson helps turn a negative emotion into a positive experience. I have found
that acknowledging the feeling, accepting it, and understanding the reason or the lesson
that lies beneath the situation helps us to better under-stand ourselves and what we need
to do to continue to grow and/or make positive change in our lives. When we are able to
calm our negative emotions and refocus ourselves on our goal, we are said to be
“emotionally resilient.”
The first step in putting the theory of Emotional Intelligence to work
for you is to be self-aware. Pay attention, understand and take charge of your emotions.
Without taking charge of our emotions, we are forever stuck in a reactive mode of living.
Taking charge of your emotions means refusing to blame someone else for your negative
emotions. It also means taking ownership of your successes rather than attributing them to
some external source.
Once we realize that it is up to us, and that we are responsible for
everything that we create in our lives and ultimately our happiness, we can thoughtfully
and consciously make better decisions about what we want for ourselves each day, who we
want to spend time with, how we want to behave, and how we perceive the world around us.
Our daily experience of life is improved when we take the time to build our intrapersonal
skills. As the Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu is quoted: “He who knows others is wise;
he who knows himself is enlightened.”
Look for Part 3 of this series on Emotional Intelligence in Rising
Women’s Nov/Dec issue.
Cheryl Bakke Martin, owner of Inspirations Unlimited, is
a personal coach, speaker & facilitator. If you are in a place where you want to take
your business to the next level & would like consult with a coach, Cheryl invites you
to a free consultation. 403.948.1078 - www.inspirations.ab.ca |
